Some have said that nappers are born, not made. I don’t know exactly who said it, but it bears saying again loudly. And while I’m at it, I’ll say that there are associations and societies for almost everything, so now is the time for nappers worldwide to unite. I propose the formation of the Universal Society By and For Nappers. Our banner will include a background of “z’s” and twinkling stars with the legend, “Call me in an hour.”I should mention that I come from a long line of nappers, and no, we’re not from the Iberian Peninsula where the afternoon break is a sacred tradition. My mother and grandfather before me were unabashed specialists, and I’m happy to say that my brother and sister are fully adequate nappers, as are my daughter and my nieces and nephew. From time to time, my wife will say to our daughter, “you are such a Walters” in the context of many of her admirable qualities, but with a slightly negative when it comes to naps. I should point out here that my wife is a “faux” napper. That is, she’ll doze in her chair randomly any time in the late afternoon to early evening. Yes, I know. I just shake my head too. She can’t help it. Her parents were casual nappers – nodding off without regard to structure or form. My mother-in-law, an otherwise wonderful lady, would pass into slumber in the evenings on the couch during prime time, although she was still able to come out of a deep subconscious state long enough to give instructions for television. “Turn it over to channel 7” could be heard through a sleepy haze. (Side note to younger readers – this was in a time long, long ago before televisions had remote controls. One actually had to get up and manually turn over the channel selector. Yes, you’re right – a truly primitive age predating the Starbucks apps.)
Getting back to the serious napper, I’d like to begin with a common understanding to get us all working together, or on the same page. (See that in a separate “I’m thinking . . . . No”) The true nap should take place in what my brother has dubbed “prime nap time”. This is the ideal window of opportunity from 1:30 to 4 PM each day. Earlier than that is, well, ridiculous because we just got up and we’re not cats. Plus, we don’t want to miss lunch. Later than 4, or 4:30 tops, doesn’t work well either because we’re approaching the dinner hour, for which we all need to be fully functioning. If you are a senior, where the dinner hour is getting earlier and earlier, you can do the math. My dear sister-in-law considers dining at 5:30 to be “fashionably late”. Moving into the evening time slot, a good night’s sleep is interrupted by . . . . sleep.
Some are devotees of the “cat nap”. This is a short, presumably restive period of twenty minutes to a half hour. To me that’s just a desperation nap, a mere appetizer for a nap entree. I wake up feeling lethargic and listless, and while those around me would never know it, I’m not working at 100%. The cat nap tends not to be in full reclining position – it’s a slouch that can result in cramped muscles and other unpleasantness. A full nap should be in a horizontal position – Dagwood Bumstead on his couch, for example, or on a bed. None of this chair or recliner business, although it’s trendy and favored by the marketing people for furniture manufacturers. Some even use the term, “lazy”, to lull the casual napper into a sense that they’re fully participating. Not so. True laziness demands a platform. For the summer napper, a hammock could be considered acceptable if no other flat, comfy surface is available.
Weather has an impact on the ability to nap. While kittens prefer warm, sunny spots, I find that I can do some of my best napping on a rainy day. The only problem here is that our house recently had new siding installed. The gutter downspout, which is two stories high, was relocated outside just at the corner right by the bed. In the rain, that downspout has the resonance of a Harley exhaust system. This can be deterrent to the full deep napping experience, though I persevere. In the winter, with just a dusting of light snow falling outside and a fire in the fireplace on a Sunday afternoon, perfect nap conditions come inexorably together. It’s usually at that point that Tom Brady fires a third down pass well over the receiver and my wife loudly registers her displeasure at the television, and, well, the nap ambience is shot, so to speak. I’d given thought to using a firepit in the bedroom, but it’s not the same once the smoke alarms go off.
Those Mediterranean countries along with those South of the border that close up shop for a while in the afternoon have the right idea. They call it a “siesta”, which is the Spanish word for “nap”. (I speak nap in any number of languages – it’s a gift.) It sounds so much more exotic and legitimate, right? The image of New Englanders taking a siesta doesn’t seem quite so legitimate, because many are quick to point out that we don’t have the severe midday heat of the equatorial zone. But to that I say, Nay, Nay. After lunch, we need a bit of respite too. I can be fresh as a daisy until almost 10 PM, sometimes even a little later, if I take a refresher during the day.
In truth, most of America structures its day all wrong. Any high school teacher will tell you that teenagers aren’t terribly impressive in their afternoon classes. Of course, part of that is we bring them to school way, way too early in the morning. For them, 7 AM is the middle of the night, they hit their morning stride about 10 or after two large coffees, whichever comes first, and it’s all downhill from lunchtime until about 4 when soccer practice kicks in (ok, I apologize for that). Then, they’re good until well after midnight. So, if we planned a structured “nap” time in high schools across the country, my theory is that test scores would soar and these fine young people would be much less surly.
The business community is beginning to embrace the notion of “down time” during the work day, and I say, Great! I don’t think they’ll call it “nap time” in the foreseeable future, but really, when you think about it, it’s just a quick hop from “yoga” and “meditation” to “nap”. It would really help our cause here at USBFN (for those not paying attention, that’s the Universal Society By and For Nappers) if government leaders or candidates for office would take the lead here and plan some time out of each campaign day or in conducting the nation’s business. Did I hear a few snorts there? How great it would be to hear on CNN, “The Senator will release a statement on Health Care when she gets up from her nap, unless she accidently hits the snooze button.” Or “The President is working on the Middle East situation from his couch. He’ll get back to you in time for the 6 o’clock news.” The House doesn’t need to say it’s napping, just “in brief recess”. There’s the distant possibility they might come to some consensus after a nice nap. OK, that was only a ridiculous fantasy.
To find out more about the USBFN, our website designers are resting right now, but it should be up and running later this afternoon, or maybe tomorrow.
I'm Thinking...No! 