Christmas House Tours – We’re not on them!

The weekend newspaper is once again featuring “home tours” – houses that are decorated to reflect the owners’ taste, refinement, and yes, excessive amounts of time and money.  One featured today is a stately older home in Salem.  It looks really quite impressive – a tree in every room, greenery and bows sweeping up a regal banister.  Sprays of holly and evergreen bursting from vases that were probably picked up at Southeby’s. Dining table displays that leave little room for Christmas dinner.  That family must eat on tray tables in the basement.  Even the kitchens and bathrooms are decorated.  This family has graciously “opened their home”, as many affluent residents of equally affluent communities with impressive antique homes do, to visitors wishing to see the fruits of their, or their designers’, labors.  

We’re not doing that again this year.  Our daughter lugged the artificial tree up from the basement over Thanksgiving so I wouldn’t break or dismember something attempting it myself.  We have two sets of house decorations – those that we actually use each year, stored conveniently in a closet, and then a major warehouse in the basement.  Some folks have entire Christmas villages in storage somewhere – most likely the attic or the basement warehouse.  They command prominent real estate somewhere in the house for all to see.  They might light up, or have miniature trains passing through. We don’t.  Even the stable, built for our nativity scene is really too big to be placed anywhere prominent now.  We still keep the ceramic figures, which are beautiful, but they’re grouped where they’ll fit. Most of the basement decorations haven’t been seen in years, as I have adopted an “out of sight, out of mind” philosophy.  

I guess that overdecorating is a tradition that’s been building for generations.  We see pictures of Victorian England, where even the streetlamps wore festive bows and greenery. Houses had wreaths and “boughs of holly” draped across windows and doorways.  Candles in the windows.  Early New Englanders, with their Puritan outlook, didn’t do much decorating for Christmas, and as I get older, that works. Today, there are more and more enthusiasts that “go big” outside, because technology – in particular, electricity, has advanced their holiday vision.  They feel a compelling need to share their joy with everyone, much like those that have a theatre sound system in their cars so we all can hear. Their every wish has been fulfilled by the manufacturers of inflatable Christmas Characters.  Their front yard lights up like the Strip in Vegas and would certainly bring a smile to Clark Griswold’s face.  One home in town was a showcase of lights and every imaginable decoration.  The irony was that there were so many lights, the owner could only afford to turn on this extravaganza for an hour or two each night.  The good news about this extensive display is that their handiwork will hopefully come down soon after the holidays. The bad news is that they’re already planning something equally lavish for Valentine’s Day, St. Patrick’s Day, or an equally tasteless Easter.  (On a side note, these are often the same people for whom the community fireworks aren’t good enough, so they blow off hands, feet, and the back deck expressing the exuberance of July 4th.)

As I wrote before, when the Princess was little, she desperately wanted to have lights strung on a large fir tree in the front yard.  She’d express this desire every year without fail. As the tree was two stories high or more, that was daunting and a bit impractical without renting a cherry-picker.  We compromised by my putting a small, elegant string of lights on the lilac bush next to the house.  It was quite striking for passers-by, I thought. Not a view that’s universally shared, though. It’s still referred to in our house each and every year with derision as the year of the “sad clump of lights on the lilacs”. 

So, we’ve managed to pare down the house decorations to some treasures.  A couple made by the Princess in her early days – a milk carton Santa, a reindeer from a brown paper lunch bag. You know those things.  Products of school classrooms to cherish.  I remember, growing up, a wall-sized mural of Santa’s sleigh and the reindeer flying overhead that I’d made in about first or second grade.  It’s most likely gone to a fiery inferno someplace, but my mother hung it up faithfully each year.  All sweet memories, but not really suitable for a “house tour”.  

In the early days of our life together, we started on the road to “collectibles”.  There were the yearly purchases of Norman Rockwell ornaments.  They somehow ended up in the basement warehouse, in a box that sadly was placed under a leaky pipe.  They are barely recognizable now, and at some point, I’ll take them up to the dumpster.  There are other boxes of tree ornaments too, because, as Her Ladyship and I were both teachers, we’d get either ornaments or Christmas coffee cups from our students.  Lovely and thoughtful, but at one point when we were moving, I took three or four boxes of cups to a local thrift shop.  I do hope someone is using them somewhere.  And too, that’s how decorations seem to accumulate.  We find something we can’t live without at a craft fair.  The angel that tops our tree each year came from a church fair, and it’s beautiful – almost 40 years old.  The face was made from a nylon stocking, and Elizabeth, in her innocent and socially unaware childhood, named her “black baby”.   When Lizzie shipped off to DC for college, we started collecting White House tree ornaments because we wanted something DC-ish, and have continued each year.  We now have over thirty.  Enough for a couple of good-sized trees.  We’ve also collected ornaments from our various trips, and the Princess has done the same, so we have some from England, from Prague, Paris, Vienna, and most recently Berlin.  (The one in Germany, not northern New Hampshire). Life comes full circle.  When we’re young, we collect what we can.  As we get older, and have expanded the collections, the displays get more elaborate.  And finally, moving into, well, senior-hood and downsizing, we either pass them on or toss them out, expediency triumphant over sentiment.  Elizabeth tends toward a minimalist approach to Christmas.  We’ve suggested regularly that she take some of what we have to decorate – currently an apartment in Atlanta.  She’s declined the offers. Funny story, though.  When she was in DC, she was living with her dear friend, Jackie, who loved decorating for the holidays, and insisted that they get a tree.  Not just any tree, though. Jackie wanted one roughly the size of the one at Rockefeller Center.  They settled on a live tree about 9 feet tall, which they then had to get home on the subway.  If you’ve seen the Griswold’s “Christmas Vacation” movie, where they go into the wilderness to cut a massive tree, this was the subway version. The two of them received a lot of surprised and amused looks from other Metro riders. 

I’ve developed a tendency to think ahead – not in all areas, but this one.  Whatever goes up must ultimately come down and be packed away, and if you’re like us, the space where they went is now filled with more stuff we got for Christmas.  More decorations, new clothes, or stuff that can’t be used until the warm weather.  More books, so another bookshelf is called for.  There seems to be an elastic relationship between trying to get rid of ”stuff” and buying more.  There was a time when Her Ladyship was collecting, or was given Dreamsicles. They lived in every room on every flat surface, and my niece remarked that we had more than the Hallmark store in which she worked.  Most are gone now, but the Christmas ones are still around and, I think, reproducing in the box where they’re kept.

So, as the holidays rapidly approach, and they certainly did this year, we’re hoping to survive.  That we haven’t overdone the gifts, and that they’ll fit under the tree.  It’s been snowing again and the holly bushes are buried, so we’ll skip the traditional mantle greens.  The tree is up and looks good, but that’s about the only thing that would impress anyone on the house tour.  I threw up some wreaths yesterday, with a couple of bows I managed to find at Walmart.  So, again, not The Breakers, Marble House, or Biltmore.  Not enough to sell tickets to the tour.  Just enough for the few friends and family that might drop by.  But the tour is cancelled.  Visitors are not welcome. We’re turning off the lights and locking the doors.  Joy to the World.

Miscommunications

Most of us have received that phone call from a number we don’t recognize.  My wife and I look at it, asking each other if it’s a name we recognize.  We answer, and a voice says, “Dave?”  No, there’s no Dave here, so I inform the caller.  If he, she, or they happen to have been brought up with some sense of telephone etiquette, they’d apologize that they had the wrong number.  If not, they’d simply disconnect.  

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The Joys of Medicare supplements

Yes, it’s “enrollment” time again.  Actually, we all get Medicare at age 65, but as we now know, it doesn’t cover everything.  So, we need to get a supplemental plan.  My wife and I are covered by one that is subsidized by the state, because Herself was a public employee.  That’s the good news.  The bad news, of course, is that there are thousands of “Medicare Advantage” providers, separate, private insurance companies eager to “enroll us in their added programs, or really to snap us up in their claw traps.   I know this because they all call us – daily.   They come in not from the company names that show up on caller ID, but from private numbers, routed through cell phones, and often something our recognition identifies as “possible fraud”.  Yes, it is. 

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Catalogs: Coming Fast and Furious

Some years back, when this blog was in its infancy, in 2018, and yes, I can’t believe that I’ve been writing this now for eight years, I wrote about the wonderful influx of catalogs, mostly clothing, that we get on a weekly basis.  Now that the holidays are approaching, well, that influx has swelled into a flood worthy of the Mississippi delta.   The season has officially begun.  

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Am I Bothering You?

There was a curious letter to the advice columnist, Dear Abby, in today’s paper.  People living in a condo, which means in close quarters, use their fireplace as a heat source for their living room area.  A neighbor with severe respiratory problems has asked them to stop burning, which has put a strain on what we presume is their friendship.  They asked for advice, and Abby gave it.  Give up the fireplace and get an electric heater if you need it, because you’re causing a serious health hazard to your neighbor.  She’s quite right, of course.  Condos represent communal living, whether we like it or not.  I’m guessing that the folks with the fireplace like the ambiance that a fire in the fireplace creates, and they’re reluctant to give it up for that reason, because a fireplace is a notoriously inefficient way to heat a room.  We sometimes forget that our wants, likes, and behaviors can have an impact on those around us, unless we’re living on a mountain top in a cabin by ourselves, or in prison in solitary confinement.  

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Pumpkin “Issues”

There is, in the weekend comics, an amusing commentary in the strip, “Zits”.  It features the Duncan family – mother, father, and Jeremy, their teenage son. In this particular strip, Jeremy is walking through the house, seeing a pumpkin display on the dining room table, along with pumpkins on bookshelves, under lamps, everywhere.  Going outside, the house is lined with pumpkins – the front steps, the walkways, even up on the roof and around the chimney. Jeremy tells his mother firmly that she has “pumpkin issues”.  Yes, indeed.  It’s that time of year, and judging by the displays some folks have, they too have pumpkin “issues”.

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Advanced Citizenship 201

This is a bit more serious than my normal blogs, but from time to time, I feel I need to express them. Protests across the region and the nation this past weekend have really got me thinking about where our country’s leadership, and our core values, are going.  The “No Kings” movement is rapidly evolving into an effective counterbalance to MAGA, which, while still a force, appears to be seeing its support crumbling around the edges. The world is becoming more complex, and for citizens in a democracy, it goes without saying that the voters and the candidates they choose must be as well.  I was listening to an interview recently of a supporter of the current administration.  His views and his responses give us an insight to how the president’s supporters think.  For example, he stated that cities are becoming ‘safer’ because National Guard-essential soldiers (without training in law enforcement, one might add)-are patrolling the streets.  He also feels ‘safer’ because undocumented immigrants are being deported at a rate with no precedent.  Again, he believes the message that “undocumented” equals criminal.  He thought the economy was doing well, probably because he looked older, perhaps retired, and doesn’t particularly care what’s happening in the workforce, where unemployment is low but climbing. He may or may not care much about climate change, food safety, or medical research, perhaps he may think he won’t live long enough to see the results of cuts in the development of those sectors.

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Goodbye, Hyacinth. We’ll miss you.

Although she’s been seen only in syndication for the last thirty years, Hyacinth Bucket (pronounced, as she so frequently corrected, “BOUQUET”) was the ultimate in pretention.  Constantly striving to reach into an imagined social hierarchy, she was thwarted and embarrassed by her circle of family and neighbors at almost every turn.  

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Coffee In Crisis

Some years back, I wrote extensively on the expansion of coffee.  Yes, that wonderful brew that we started to drink to show our resistance to the tea that King George III was mandating that Americans buy and drink tea.  I guess we showed him, when colonists, cleverly disguised as Native Americans, tossed teabag after teabag into what we hear in New England call “Boston Hahbah”.  Since then, we’ve been a nation of proud, devoted coffee drinkers.  

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Rebuilding my “brand”

We hear so much, particularly in the business world about “branding”.  That for which one is known and, presumably respected.  That upon which one’s reputation and standing are built, giving one’s life meaning and definition.  So, as I renewed my website experience for another year so as to dispense invaluable wisdom and insight, this seems to be an appropriate time to see what my “brand” really is. 

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