It’s February – Take Down Christmas!

On a recent overnight getaway, the first weekend of February, I couldn’t help noticing the number of people that still have wreaths up on doors, bows on the lamp post, Rudolph grazing in the front yard, and candles glowing in the windows.  What is up with these people? 

Ok – it’s nice to enjoy the holiday season, which now begins on Columbus Day and leaves Thanksgiving sobbing.  In the near future, every turkey will come with a red bow and sprig of holly.  For most of us, the joy of Christmas has run its course by the time we’re watching the Tournament of Roses Parade.  We have a tradition in our house – if the tree and other festive trappings of the holiday aren’t down and packed away on New Year’s Day, somebody please call 911 because we’re probably dead.

My nephew tends to take a rather intense view of people that leave their decorations up too long.   His feeling is that everyone gets no more than two weeks into January.  After that, civil authorities should be issuing fines and hauling people away in chains.  In the absence of any true interest or enthusiasm by local constabulary, the Christmas Decoration Removal Enforcement Team (CDRET for short) should be standing by ready to assist. Sadly, however, this dedicated crew of civil servants does not have much power to act, like surrounding the offending property with dump trucks.  Delivering stern glares is pretty much all they can do.  This disapproving facial expression, known in our house as the “Ellen DeGeneres look”, was designed by her primarily for clueless drivers, but it works in a surprisingly large range of daily situations.

So, I repeat – what’s up with these people?  Is it an inability to let go?  They just can’t part with the glitter and the magic?  Could this be a condition for which I’ve coined the phrase, “Mistletoe Anxiety”? World of Psychology – are you paying attention?  By definition, this includes anyone that a) has their Christmas tree still up and decorated in April or b) has convinced themselves that outdoor Christmas lights are hip and trendy all year round.  (NOTE:  Unless you live on a tropical island paradise, it’s not working for you.)  This could be a condition in which people separated from their decorations lose their glow of holiday euphoria and return to their normal states of gloom and unhappiness that traditionally accompany the State of the Union Address (for which nobody decorates).  I expect that shortly, we’ll see folks on the street with small “Mistletoe Anxiety” dogs wearing red and green sweaters and Santa hats.

Decorating for the holidays follows a cycle of life.  Children, of course, love the trappings of the season, but aren’t typically great in the setup or take down phases. Young adults eagerly decorate, but as they’re starting out, they have to make do with what’s available.  Last year’s packaging becomes this year’s mantle display.  Over the years, the tree ornaments, stuffed Santas, and Snowpeople multiply like rabbits until everyone has a warehouse full in the basement and the attic.  As we slide into the golden years, the decorations that come out diminish like our energy and willpower.  We seniors know that anything coming out has to go away at some point – something we blissfully ignored when we were young. Eventually, we have the tree (much smaller and lights up by itself – usually on sale at Home Depot in October), a few choice items like a nativity, mother’s candle holders that she faithfully put on the mantle each year, although the red candles she reverently preserved are long gone, a Santa that one of the children made from a milk carton in Kindergarten.  There were years when we’d set out the Christmas china in all its glory in the dining room.  Now we grab a couple of plates from their permanent storage place in the closet.

There are still enthusiasts, though, that “go big” outside.  They feel a compelling need to share their joy with everyone, much like those that have a theatre sound system in their cars so we all can hear. Their every wish has been fulfilled by the manufacturers of inflatable Christmas Characters.  Their front yard lights up like the Strip in Vegas and would certainly bring a smile to Clark Griswold’s face.  One home in town was a showcase of lights and every imaginable decoration.  It must have scared the bejeebers out of the resident squirrels and chipmunks. The irony was that there were so many lights, the owner could only afford to turn on this extravaganza for an hour or two each night.  The good news about this extensive displays is that their handiwork usually comes down soon after the holidays. The bad news is that they’re already planning something equally lavish with a Valentine’s Day, a St. Patrick’s Day, or an Easter theme.   (These are often the same people for whom the community fireworks aren’t good enough, so they blow off hands, feet, and the back deck expressing the exuberance of July 4^th.)

When my daughter was little, she desperately wanted to have lights strung on a large fir tree in the front yard.  She’d express this desire every year without fail. As the tree was about thirty feet tall, that was daunting and a bit impractical without renting a firetruck.  We compromised by my putting a small, elegant string of lights on the lilac bush next to the house.  It was quite striking from the road, if I do say so myself. This is still referred to in our house each and every year with derision as the “sad clump of lights on the lilac incident”.

So, for those that put out a few tasteful exterior decorations –  a wreath on the door, maybe a swag of greenery on the porch railing, a reindeer statute in front lawn with a spotlight, candles in the windows, what’s the big deal taking this down?  Do we still need to view these sad remnants of happier times in the following long months of bleak midwinter?  Can’t you just sink into a seasonal depression like the rest of us? Can you not spend an hour or two taking stuff down after the bows have faded and the needles now provide garden mulch?  Can’t you just let the images and memories go?  Can’t you get off your butt and take the damned tree to the dump?

To steal a segment from Bill Maher, “New Rules for Holiday Decorating”:

• If you can’t put it up in a day, it’s probably way more than any of us want to see.
• If it came from the forest, let it go home.
• If it’s plastic (or inflatable), it stays in the store or belongs in a funhouse.
• Even the Wise Men left after a few days.
• If it stays on half the night, you’re wasting our electricity. Get yourself a windmill.
• If it hangs and tinkles in the wind, so should its owner.
• If it’s still up on February 1^st, you should be incarcerated.