Driving Offensively

I was innocently making a trip to the nursery the other day – an emergency plant run – when passing a local supermarket, this older (but not elderly) couple pulled right out in front of me.  The driver had apparently checked his side and seeing nothing, decided “gang way” without looking to starboard.  I jammed on the brakes, and with squealing tires and some just a bit of indignant horn-blowing, managed to elicit what I could only discern as a “stop” hand sign from the passenger side.  Really? I, driving down the street, had an obligation to stop so they could pull out at their leisure?  Fortunately, we came together at the next red light.  I gave them my very best stern stare, something that I’ve appropriated from Ellen Degeneres and usually works well in these situations, but they didn’t make eye contact, so I’m not totally sure my point was made.

So, what happened to “defensive driving”?   In my day, the Golden Age of driving, with column shifts, light dimmers on the floor, and cruise control meant you kept your right foot as steady as possible, we were taught that you are constantly looking out for the other fool because he or she might do something stupid and you’d have to react.  These items of stupidity included, but are certainly not limited to:

• They slam on the brakes because they just passed a yard sale.
• They careen through a red light because red and green are pretty much interchangeable in their understanding of the rules of the road.
• Stop signs are merely suggestions, and probably don’t apply to them.
• Directional lights (we called them “blinkers” in the Golden Age) in their cars are in mint condition as they’re seldom used. They know where they’re going, so doesn’t everyone?
• They change lanes with joyful abandon because it adds a certain element of excitement to their driving, and they see themselves as second or third tier Jason Bournes.
• They’re too old to turn around and look before they back up – this doctrine is particularly useful in grocery store and restaurant parking lots, or at the post office.

I can remember my driver education teacher speaking repeatedly about the need to allow for other drivers.  He showed us a wonderfully terrifying film about what happens in a series of car crashes. That got our attention – for maybe ten minutes.  It couldn’t possibly happen to us because we’re just too good at driving.  The first fender bender brings us quickly back to reality.  In the Golden Age, distracted driving only meant that you had a couple of friends in the car. Some of us got pretty good at finding the radio stations without taking our eyes of the road, because we’d seen that scenario in the crash films.  In later years, I’d see people driving down the highway eating a bowl of what I presume is cereal, a guy shaving (using the rear view mirror for guidance, I kid you not), people, mostly female, applying make-up or getting their hair ready for the day, reading newspapers.  One guy in stop-and-go traffic had music propped up and was practicing his drumming, complete with drumsticks.  Must have liked to thoroughly prepare for an audition.

So, when exactly did “watch out for the other driver” transform into “everyone had better watch out for me”?   Have we become so self-absorbed that the world owes us an unfettered roadway, the right to bulldoze through, the right to use the breakdown lane to get ahead of everyone else?  When did changing lanes with about six inches of clearance become an acceptable driving practice?  Was it about the same time that car manufacturers added those extra brake lights in the center because we weren’t paying attention to the other ones?   Or maybe it was about the time we decided that we could stop anywhere,  at any time, and hold up traffic because, well,  we had our flashers on.

Somewhere along the way, the “collective good” transformed into “driving, like everything else in life, is all about me”. Our driving habits certainly reflect that.  I mentioned in a previous blog an incident in the news in which a woman failed to stop at a road construction site and hit a policeman because she was in a hurry – turns out, as she told the judge with a straight face, she was late for a hair appointment.  That’s the kind of self-centeredness that is unfortunately driving, pardon the pun, much of American society today, and leads us inevitably to the following myths:

• I’m in a hurry, so it’s the responsibility of the other drivers to clear out of my way.
• My time is much more valuable than everyone else’s.
• I’m addicted to my cellphone, so the “no texting while driving” thing doesn’t really apply to me.
• I get mad and then I get even.  I don’t really have a problem with road rage.
• I’m so skilled that I can do safely what causes accidents with others.
• Alcohol doesn’t affect me, so I can continue to drive perfectly well.
• I’m good to drive at high speeds in ice and snow because I know what I’m doing and I’m used to it. It’s the snowplows and those other drivers that are the problem.
• I can go across three lanes of heavy traffic because I really, really need to get off at that exit over there, thirty feet ahead.
• I can be right on that other car’s tail because I’m in total control and can stop on a dime.

To all the safe, patient, experienced drivers on the road today, I say, from all of us, thank you! To the others, as my grandfather used to say, “get off the road and tear up your license.”  (Of course this was before the days of plastic.) You bad drivers know who you are. We see you out there, many in aging cars held together with duct tape, fenders dented and flapping in the wind, front grills and rear ends bashed in, broken lights, windows taped up with plastic bags, license plates held on with clothespins, we’re all thinking . . . . NO!