“You have the right to remain silent.” This phrase is usually accompanied by handcuffs and an arrest warrant. It is, however, something that is underused in today’s world. I’m convinced that the Founding Fathers would never, ever, have included freedom of speech in the Bill of Rights had they been able to envision Twitter and Facebook. It was supposed to be confined to King George III and the Redcoats. They also never dreamed of air travel. Said a passenger on a recent flight, whose neighbor was removed from the plane for setting off the flight attendant, “Flying is almost scary because you don’t know who you’re going to anger,” he says. “You can’t say anything to anyone.” He meant it as a complaint and an assault on basic freedoms. However, it’s actually wise counsel. You should indeed exercise restraint in what you say, particularly on a packed airplane where humor is not always appreciated and mostly undervalued. The wise philosopher Anonymous once said, “It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak up and remove all doubt.” Good one, Anon. So, what has happened to good old fashioned inhibition and discretion? Why is it that people need to speak out frequently every time a thought pops into their tiny brains? This blog aside, I seldom feel a need to speak out in public. Ok, there was that lady in the grocery store last week that had seen something on the news about industrial pollution in the water supply and felt a compelling need, a propos of nothing, to bring it to the cashier’s attention. I did point out that her using the store’s plastic bags might be a contributing factor to pollution, but there were just to a couple of folks in line, and I didn’t even use my bullhorn. There was also the time at a school concert, when I pointed out to the parent in the seat ahead of me that she might enjoy it more if she stopped texting and put her cellphone away. Just before she spilled her Starbucks coffee as she turned to glare at me.
There was a time in our history when folks could rant and spew misinformation only to those in their immediate vicinity. Verbal Containment. I just made up that phrase, and I like it. Those diatribes would die a merciful death in short order, like Gramma’s fireside chats in the nursing home. Along came the internet and now their crap reaches thousands, if not millions of people. Worse still, there are many that think Twitter is a news outlet, to be fully taken as gospel and as fully informative as, well, . . . . and Friends. There is a column in our local newspaper that allows folks to publish their pet annoyances publicly and with complete anonymity. It’s called “Sound Off”, and submitters take that literally. Their bully pulpits range in topic from government corruption to potholes or speeding cars on Water Street. As the political climate heats up, many of these folks seem to long for the calmer, quieter days of . . . Vietnam protests, college campus rioting, the Red scare, Communism, and W. T. Grant. The greater majority submitting to this column absorb bits and pieces of news events, scramble them about a bit, and out comes something worthy of . . . . Now, in all honesty, as the ramblings are often remarkably similar, it’s quite possibly just a couple of delusional folks working from an undisclosed garage in a Third World suburb.
I’m working now on what I think might be my greatest achievement. An auto-filter for “Protected Speech”. If you’re giving a speech to the Society of Seriously Demented Voters, the public address system will just shut down on its own. My invention will automatically censor those deranged discourses when any number of triggers, like Communism or socialized medicine are included. Repeat offenders will be flagged, like the “no-fly list” on airlines. If you’re a Neo-Nazi, for example, and just want to say “hi” to your fellow crazies on the internet, that’s fine. However, if you’ve updated “Mein Kampf” or redesigned the swastika for today’s audience, the internet should be able to automatically snatch that baby before it ever hits cyberspace. Swastika, by the way, is a trigger, so this may not appear on “I’m Thinking . . . . .No.” It’ll just go into the newly discovered Black Hole when my new system is up and running, along with a kajillion tweets and fully two thirds of Facebook posts. And just as a casual observation that should become the law of the land, folks that send out tweets hourly and daily, or feel a compelling need to “tell their stories” daily have way, way too much time on their hands. Everyone should be limited to one twit or post per month, and that includes the White House. Here are a couple of my preliminary golden rules to get the ball rolling:
1) Sportscasters should just be quiet and smile at each other. And while I think of it, there is no need whatsoever for these before and after shows either. Don’t “break it down” for us – we saw the game and know the results.
2) Politicians will limit all speeches to 10 minutes. If you can’t make your point in that time, it’s not going to happen anyway and your audience has dozed off. (This policy also applies to clergy when preaching and commencement speakers. I’m just saying . . . .)
3) When you feel an urge to lash out at someone, smile at them instead. It’ll throw them totally off balance. Limit your anger to inanimate objects, as I do. That can opener probably won’t start screaming and lunge at you.
4) If someone does something stupid on the highway, it’s within the guidelines of civilization to let it go. (See Golden Rule #3.) Don’t scream, swear, or otherwise offend and alarm the passengers in your car.
5) Don’t argue with teenagers. That’s never a winning hand. Just accept that you as an adult are unfair, uncompromising, and unreasonable. Be willing to move on. (Refreshing note: by the time they’re 30, there is a good chance they’ll begin listening to you and accepting your ideas again.)
So, Legion of Faithful Readers, let me just reiterate that Free Speech is overrated. Let’s rewrite the Bill of Rights to say, “Free and Appropriate Speech”, or “Limited Free Speech”, or “Free Speech With Boundries”. We could eliminate much of the world’s violence and torment if we can figure out an effective way to keep big chunks of the population quiet, and that includes almost all news interviews with people on the street. We could prevent most road rage, airplane rage, sidewalk rage, and elevator rage if we could just somehow instill in people the notion that, when it comes to sharing your ideas, to quote that old song, “Silence is Golden”. I have any number of marketing ideas ready to go. “If you have nothing to say, don’t say it!” and “Free Speech – Less is More.” That’s just the start. We can promote “Quiet Week” and “National Put Your Phone On Vibrate, Or Better Yet, Turn It Off” Day. Giving people a gentle “shush” can become an act of respect. We can teach our children (and many adults) the virtue of “inside voices” and “hushed tones”. Or, we can adapt Nancy Reagan’s famous “Just Say No” into something like, “Just Stop Talking”.
I'm Thinking...No! 