I was in the store the other day, needing to pick up laundry detergent among other things. Just so you’ll know, I like to keep one or two back-ups so that I don’t run out mid-washing cycle. I know, it’s a bit compulsive, but I’m that way with bars of soap, boxes of tissues, tubes of toothpaste, etcetera, etcetera. There is a chance that I may be increasingly CDO – that’s obsessive-compulsive disorder, but with the letters in the correct . . . . oh, never mind. Anyhow, I found the detergent, but somehow the bottle felt small and a little light. I usually buy the smaller ones, “33 loads”, because it’s easy to lift down from the shelf. Now, they’ve replaced the “33 loads” bottle with a new one: “26 loads”. Surprisingly, the price was the same as the old “33 loads”. You’re probably shocked, as I was.
Has anyone else but me discovered that products are shrinking before our very eyes? I thought it was just my imagination when the cans of tuna started getting smaller. My first thought was, ok – climate change. The oceans are getting warmer, and the tuna have gone into hiding. That makes sense. The people at Starkist and Bumble Bee are trying to ration the available supplies. They have our best interests at heart. But then I noticed that boxes of tissues we use have also shrunk. They used to have 72 tissues, and now they’re down to 64 and some have 52 in the same sized boxes, if you’re not careful. That can’t be warming oceans too. And boxes of K Cup coffee were typically 12 cups for smaller boxes, and 18 for the larger ones. Now, some of the larger, well-known brands – I won’t say which ones but one has a green logo and another is orange and purple, have sneaked in the 10-cup and 16 cup boxes. Thought they could put one over on us, didn’t they? Short us two cups and charging us the same or more than the others. I blame one of the above referenced coffee shop chains, which uses Italian names to cleverly conceal their portions. Who the heck knows how much a “venti” or a “grande” should be? They’re confusing us with exotic-sounding names. Nothing there is really a grande unless it’s a barrel – they should rightly call their coffee sizes “Piccolo” or a “Minuscolo”, working our way up to a “Mezzo”.
This whole idea of “less for the same price” seems to be taking over the entire grocery store. I’ve noticed that loaves of bread are getting smaller, at least the ones I typically buy. Not the number of slices, but the overall size of the loaf. Narrower all the way around. And if you buy one of the plumper loaves, it doesn’t have as many slices. Some of the rye breads look like we’re getting half of the loaf, unless they’re baked with only one end crust. Remember those great long loaves you could buy in the local bakery? Not any more, unless you buy the custom loaves or drive thirty miles to a local bakery.
If you really want to see this size shrinkage in action and how much we’re lost, look at a recipe that’s more than five years old. The recipe will specify 16 ounces of tomato sauce, but the can is now 14.5 ounces. The 8 oz can is now 6 oz. The one-pound box of pasta is now 12 ounces. What used to be a standard size box of cereal is now the “Family Size”. And don’t even get me started on the bag of potato chips. It’s half gone before you even open the bag. The company blames it on “settling”. Not buying it. I bought some aspirin the other day. 24 tablets. When I opened the bottle, there were a few lonely aspirin bouncing around in the bottom. They don’t even put in wads of cotton to create the illusion that we’re getting a full bottle anymore. And if you’ll notice, the over-the-counter people have started putting pills into aluminum foil sheets, so the box looks pretty significant but they’re just spreading out the pills so it looks like you’re getting a bunch. Not really – it’s all a façade.
A trip through the bakery also reveals shrinkage. Remember when the 12” round cake was standard? It carried the banner for the cake family. Not anymore. Now we have the 9” and the 6”, what I call the baby cake. And if the baby cake is too big you, you should be ashamed of yourself, but you can buy a slice of cake. What’s next, the single bite cake, about the size of wedge of Gouda? I bought a box of “mini” ice cream sandwiches the other day. They are the size of a business card. Boy was that a disappointment, but I made up for it by eating three or four. Now I feel better.
Here’s where I see the grocery industry going in the future.
> The ten-egg dozen. Just subtract a couple of eggs, blame it on a chicken shortage, and nobody will protest. They start with an eleven-egg dozen and then subtly phase in the ten-egg containers.
> The fourteen ounce “pound” of butter. Just shave off a little from each stick of butter, and nobody is paying attention.
> Drink bottles have switched to metrics, which no American understands anyway. Two liters is 67.6 fluid ounces. Wait – how much is a fluid ounce? I’m confused.
> The advent of the baby water bottles has ushered in water bottle shrinkage. It’s just a matter of time before the regular ones start getting smaller. We’ll just nip a little off the top of those 16.9 fluid ounce ones. Let’s say, 14.9 fl oz has a nice ring. The .9 makes it sound like you’re getting more anyway, and I typically spill about .9 fluid ounces just opening the bottle. Then they can start shrinking the jumbo bottles – you know the ones that are good for two bathroom trips, and nobody will be any the wiser.
> We’ve addressed the laundry detergent issue in depth above, but now we have the laundry “pod” development. That adds a new dimension to the “less for more money” debate. It sounds great – pop in one of the pods instead of measuring out the liquid. Charge bit more, create a bit more wrapping, and voila – you’ve got the American marketing dream.
> Yogurt containers now come in those cute individual serving sizes. But honestly, I don’t know anyone that eat 5.3 ounces in one sitting. So, for people on the go, there will be a teaspoon serving. You get just enough to keep your mouth moist.
> Salads will come in designer packages and measured by the number of lettuce leaves. You can get the 2, 3, or 4 leaf versions. Dressing will come in handy postage stamp sized envelopes, most of which you’ll spill opening them because they’re too small to . . . . .
> Mini-chickens will be found in every meat counter. The Cornish game hen will be the gold standard for roasting chickens, and there will be a nice assortment of mini drumsticks, mini breasts and mini wings (about the size of toothpicks). Subtracting the bones, you’ll throw it all out and buy a burger. Speaking of which,
> We’ve gone from the family size package of burgers to the two-pack. A pound of hamburg is usually .8769 pounds. At least they tell you that on the package, right next to the sell-by date, which was two days ago. OOPS.
What confuses me is we’re constantly being told that the vast preponderance of Americans are overweight. How can this be? Our food portions are shrinking by the day, yet prices are going up. I remember when thirty dollars bought a cartful, a week’s worth of groceries. Now, that’s the express lane with one bag. I watched a lady the other day with full cart ahead of me in line – $246. She wasn’t stocking up for holiday weekend barbeque, that was just ordinary stuff, so all this shrinkage isn’t saving us money, it’s making the producers more profitable. It’s the old “pay more, get less”, refined over the years by the pharmaceutical industry.
I’m thinking . . . . . . N! (I couldn’t afford the “o”.)
I'm Thinking...No! 