You, my faithful readers, are quite right. This will be one of those blogs that lacks my usual light-hearted, deftly humorous touch, because it’s a serious subject. It needs to be approached seriously. I debated long and hard – in fact I started this when it first came into print. I started writing, and then turned back, but now the time feels right.
Two newspaper headlines caught my eye a couple of weeks back in the local paper, on the same day, and on the same page. I’m sure you’ve heard about at least one of them. The first article reported that incidences of bullying in schools are declining. That is a very good thing, whether the legislation is catching hold, the consequences are beginning to sink into young brains, or our young people are just getting the message that bullying is an unacceptable means of social interaction. The second article, however, becoming almost a daily occurrence, stated, “The President . . . denigrated a majority-black district represented by a congressional nemesis as ‘a disgusting rat and rodent-infested mess’”. Yet another headline in which Donald Trump “lashes out”.
Does anyone else see the ironic juxtaposition of these two reports? There are many people – often referred to as “the base”, that will applaud Mr. Trump’s actions as forceful assertions, or “He speaks his mind”. This man has used Twitter to belittle and to name-call individuals, small groups, and now to malign an entire voting district. This isn’t “plain speaking”, it’s hurtful bullying at its lowest level. We jump on others, particularly public servants, and rightfully so, for their inappropriate comments, yet somehow our nation’s Chief Executive gets a pass on a daily basis without consequences. Why? Most other people using their Twitter accounts in that manner would have had them shut down. Young people will do what they see adults doing, and we adults, from the White House occupant on down, are not presenting them with glowing models of dignity and maturity.
Bullying is a pattern of behaviors – either physical or psychological – designed to abuse, threaten, or intimidate. Amazingly, most definitions I’ve seen have embedded in them “by children”. Is it really just by and toward children? If it’s wrong for young people, and it is, when does it become right for adults? How many times have we seen incidents of “road rage” gone astray, or professional athletes screaming angrily at umpires and referees? (They are, in the words of the late, great Gil Santos, “Playing a children’s game.”) As I wrote in a previous blog, and I’m pleased to quote myself, “We have all come across individuals in our lives that strive to feel better about themselves by denigrating others. I’ve known a few in my life. In the past, we called it ‘assertive’. Now we know these people for what they are – bullies. Their inadequacies, individually or collectively, have become someone else’s fault.” But it’s somehow deeper than that. It’s a need for power and recognition, and in the person behind the desk in the Oval Office, his is a core value that he can never to be wrong. Anyone that points out to him that he is, well, that’s where the “lashing out” part comes in. Other presidents have been able to withstand criticism, and sometimes prosper by it. This one absolutely can’t, and he’s more than ready to denigrate. Disagreement is un-American. He has the ability to turn on a dime – today’s friend is tonight’s or tomorrow’s mortal enemy, and further is an unpatriotic cretin who should go back to . . . . . .
The primary take-away here is that we as Americans are appalled by children who bully each other. Some couch it any which diversionary way. “They have to learn to be tough.” Or “They’re defending themselves.” No, they’ve learned overly aggressive behaviors and are trying them out on others. If it seems to work, they keep doing it. However, it’s unacceptable on any level and by anyone. Children will mimic what they see adults doing, because they’ll think that’s what grown-ups do. So, if what they see is hockey players pushing and shoving each other, or they see drivers assaulting each other by the side of the road, or they see adults in a coffee shop screaming at the barista because the coffee wasn’t made correctly, or they see adults pushing and shoving in line at the grocery store, guess what – they’ll assume it’s ok. We’ve just had two mass shootings in climax to a month of such acts of violence. Young people. Impressionable, angry young people. They and many like them over the years have directed their anger at public gatherings, at innocent bystanders. We can point the finger at easy access to weapons, to violent video games, as one politician did. Those are contributing factors, as is mental health. The ability to distinguish right from wrong. Racism. Fear. A need to be noticed. Those too are all parts of the puzzle. The fact remains that their default behavior is to strike out a people, and it doesn’t really matter who. It’s all part of bullying, and sadly it’s becoming embedded in our culture. As one commentator asked, “Is this the new normal?”
How we treat each other speaks strongly to the social and cultural growth of human beings. We’d like to think that our interactions with each other, within communities, or among nations has evolved and that we’re better able to settle disputes peacefully and with grace. It seems that we have a long way go, or are we even going in the right direction? We’ve identified the problems – now let’s see if we can find some solutions. If, as the President and his followers claim, he’s not getting the respect he deserves, perhaps he needs to take a vastly different approach in the way he treats others. I personally doubt that will happen because Mr. Trump doesn’t strike me as an introspective person, nor is he very good at understanding cause-effect relationships. Mr. Trump mistakes anger for passion, and in consequence often speaks in anger. When he starts to infuse his pronouncements with reason, clarity, and he begins to speak with persuasion, perhaps more Americans and some world leaders will begin to listen. Few, however, will accept his ideas if they have no respect the man standing behind them.
I'm Thinking...No! 