We’ve all watched the Super Bowl commercials, thinking how much creative thinking and imagination has gone into those that we’ll see once or twice, then they go into the vault forever. What we’re left with is often truly forgettable, and to compound the problem, we’ll see them once, twice, three times a half hour. Here are a few of my nominations for the “You Shouldn’t Have Bothered” Ad Awards.
I mentioned in a previous blog that I think the most disgusting commercial of all time is the one with the kid with candy stuck all over his face. That still rates as the most obnoxious commercial of all time for me. However, that same candy company has outdone itself. They have a new ad featuring a giraffe being milked for candy. What is with these people? How can this advertising agency still be in business? How can they come up with these thoroughly revolting ideas, and who at the candy company keeps approving them? There continues to be about a fourth grade bathroom humor mentality at work here. Their next effort may feature something or someone passing colorful gas.
The next to head this list is the mother doing her grocery orders on line because she hasn’t time to actually go the store. She’s way too busy chasing her child around the kitchen, both of them wrapped in foil. Is this really her best shot at Motherhood? We’ve all had “play moments” with our children, but really? I have visions of the next, off-camera moment where she’s dialing 911 because her child caught the corner of the breakfast bar and is bleeding profusely. So, what exactly, were the ad people going for? I understand spending more time with the kids, and I get that she’s ordering fresh fruits and vegetables. But really, chasing the child around? If my mother had been chasing me, I’d better be prepared to run far because the ending would not be happy. Those were the moments where she’d use my full name, including middle name, in CAPITAL LETTERS, and there’d be nothing playful about it. Running very close to those are commercials in which the child is applying make-up to Dad’s face when the doorbell rings. There has been a spate of commercials in which Dad dresses up in costumes – one where Dad is ordering new costumes as the child’s tastes change. OK, I get it. We’re making Dad an integral part of the child’s rich imagination. Nice try, but misses the mark. This one just makes everyone look awkward and foolish, including the viewer. Buy the kid an ice cream cone and hold the glitter.
In the category of “Did you really think your career would end up this way?” there’s the car commercial with the guy who’s not sure his pet turtle will like the yellow convertible. Clearly the team that came up with this has lost its “humor meter”. I think it was going for absurdist humor, but ends up being, well, merely absurd. Perhaps these actors are just trying too hard to make it work. Much like that are the folks that imagined they’d be stars of stage and screen, and now they’re modeling bladder leakage products. What a disappointment. I hope at least the pay is good.
It’s time for that insurance company to retire Flo and Jamie, competing in the “Beating A Dead Horse” category. It’s had a good run, but lost steam when Flo dressed up as her family. Yup, that was the moment for her. Jamie as therapist to a grieving family was really over-the-top tasteless and insensitive. Since then, it’s been all downhill, hitting trees and falling into holes. The clever ideas and witty lines just aren’t coming any more, particularly where Jamie is in the wrong class. I’ve written before about commercials for medicines and treatments. They all say, “you really need to talk to your doctor.” Yes, they are right. You need to see your doctor and not take medical advice from a sixty-second commercial. I’ve known a number of people who are literally walking symptoms. When you show them a condition, they have it. As a matter of fact, they can’t get to the pharmacy fast enough to get pills, ointments, or injections for it. I feel sorry for the grandfather (it’s always Grampa) that is blowing out candles on a birthday cake, only to have his impertinent grandchildren point out his huffing and puffing. Were it me, I doubt I’d patiently explain my condition. I’d tell the child to let it go and eat the damned cake. Ones that I’ll truly never understand are the car commercials with the big movie start driving in the moonlight. Are we supposed to be James Bond-esque in that car? It’s a luxury SUV, for heaven sake. James Bond is strictly sports car.
Overall, the products that really need to invest the most in commercial talent – writing and acting, are the furniture commercials. Those that feature the company owners or their bobble-head lookalikes are deadly. In fact, any commercials (other than the car ads with Lee Iacocca thirty years ago) that feature the company owners, presidents, or staff should not be allowed in front of a camera. Nor should attorneys. They try to look like Wyatt Earp in suits, but they end up looking like they’ve just been voted out of the Rotary Club, and their last luncheon didn’t agree with them. Or oddly humorous names. “Hi, my name is Fabiola McBunsnuffer, and I represent the . . . . . . . “. Doesn’t matter. You lost us. We’re still picking ourselves up off the floor after she said her name.
What happened to some of the great moments in advertising? My personal favorite will always be the “They’re going back” school supply commercial. Dad dancing down the aisle with the shopping cart, the kids behind him looking shell-shocked. Even in my teaching days, that was great. Then, of course, there were some classic “Wanna get away?” airline commercials. One that didn’t air all that frequently but was terrific was the wedding scene, with the lady observer saying “It’ll never work” into a moment of dead silence, and everyone, even the minister, turns to look. Or the guy that gets into the getaway car thinking it’s his Uber. The ink pack going off was a really nice touch. Or the one where the witness is in darkness to protect his identity until the staffer returns with coffee and turns on the lights. An insurance ad used the same idea with the man on the dock. Guess they had a dry idea day. And, I have to admit, Cheryl’s She-shack going up in flames is pretty hilarious, what with the look on her husband’s face and tone of voice when he finds out it can be replaced. Whoever came up with the “Dilly, Dilly” beer commercials is a genius. Who can resist the guy that prefers an “autumnal mead”?
I’d like to think that the ad people are paying attention to my insights and feedback. It probably wouldn’t be a bad idea to Google some of the top agencies and send them this information. But on whole, I don’t think they’ll listen. They’ve had their focus groups, and heaven only knows who participated in those. So, maybe, I’ll just send them a quick, “I’m thinking . . . . DON’T THINK SO.”
I'm Thinking...No! 