In an effort to expand our horizons and market a bit more extensively, I thought I might do an overview of Food blogging and the people that do that. In fact, I’ve seen a number of people (primarily on House Hunters, but you already know that I’m addicted) that need showplace kitchens because they need to take pictures or film food videos there. I was going to take a picture last night of a particularly attractive Italian Crescent Bake that I’d made – the crescent rolls on top were just a perfect golden brown – but I got distracted and forgot to take a picture until it was half eaten. Oh, well. You folks missed a beauty.
I have to admit that I’m not really, really good at transferring pictures from my phone to the computer. I’ve tried emailing them – and . . . . . nothing. I have tried downloading them too, but if you’ve been reading any of my tech blogs, that’s not a strength either. I will keep trying, though, because I think this will be a key area of interest for my readers.
Having now perused several food blogs, I see a couple of trends. First, the blogger needs to travel extensively, searching out unique, interesting, creative cuisine. These writers appear to have remarkable abilities to view professional kitchens and make connections with the professionals. I have sadly developed no such bonds. Herself and I don’t travel much, and opportunities in our local suburban community are pretty sparse. It’s supposition here, but I’m guessing that should I burst into a kitchen at any of our local eateries, camera at the ready to interview the chef and crew, local authorities would be called and flashing blue lights would result.
It’s difficult to break into a new field in which one’s experience is limited. Coupled with that is the self-awareness that I’m not really a “burst onto the scene” kind of person. I’m more a “sneak in and try not to be trampled” type. Most of the meatloaf crowd, which is a personal specialty, don’t seem to be the blogging type. We’re also not terribly adventurous. Sure, we watch those scenes on “Amazing Race”, when race participants have to sample the local fare – parts of a goat we never, ever contemplated eating and didn’t know existed, or they’re preparing some exotic animal form dredged up from a river into which I wouldn’t dip a toe on a bet, I’m never really tempted to fly off to give them a try. Typically, when something is labelled a “local delicacy”, that’s a red flag for me.
Today’s newspaper – the food section – had a headline that caught my eye. “Beets, goat cheese, walnuts, and arugula . . . . . spice up salads”. Not sure “spice” would be the term I’d use. I forget what the other ingredients were, because my taste buds were screaming at me after “beets”. I’ve never liked beets, and find them a poor excuse for a vegetable. It’s probably because neither of my parents did, so we didn’t have them when I was growing up. My “beet experience” is limited to canned beets at summer camp, and as a consequence, they’ve never done anything for me. I might as well be eating organic compost. I can’t eat nuts, for digestive reasons that I won’t detail here. Leafy greens aren’t usually a problem, although kale seems to be the new lettuce. I have tasted it, and, well, it tastes pretty much like grass, or what I think grass would taste like if I was a horse. Rather like George H. W. Bush’s love affair with broccoli. Kale, having been promoted by our daughter in a reversal of the typical parent/child conversation, “try it – you’ll really like it “is a hard “no” for me.
When my food blog takes off, as I’m sure it will, I promise you all that I won’t advise, “Make your own – it’s simple and tastes so much better!” I don’t believe that for a minute. If God had intended us to make our own mayonnaise, he would never have created Hellman’s. These do-it-yourselfers give us a handy, twenty-six step method for making apple sauce. It will only cost about $18 for the ingredients, takes four hours and a dozen pots and pans. Voila, at the end, you have a quart of something that tastes like it came from a jar. Really? These over-eager people further recommend that you should grow your own apples. So, if you don’t mind planting a tree and waiting ten years, that sauce will be indeed memorable.
I have noticed that most of the food writers cater to those with exotic tastes. Saw a recipe for an elegant little “fish taco”. Now, there’s a nice combination of things that don’t appeal to me. I find that tacos crumble in your hand as you take that first bite, and soft shells are like eating bread that didn’t come out quite right. For some reason that I’ve never been able to identify, plain white fish is ok but not spectacular. I do enjoy swordfish and salmon, along with most any seafood you put in front of me, from lobster to clams, scallops, shrimp, oysters. My parents loved seafood, and thus we were encouraged to have it.. We spent a week on Cape Cod years ago with our friend, Lady Peacock. She can’t stand anything that comes from the ocean, so it was quite an experience. Her late husband also didn’t like seafood, and would complain even about the aroma. He took us to a renowned pub, where he ate bowls and bowls of their chili, which he proclaimed the best in the world, passing gas at regular intervals to punctuate the point.
Getting back to my food blog, I want you to know food bloggers reach over 22 million viewers daily. I hope to reach out to at least ten to upwards of fifteen of them. Many are specialists in ethnic foods – for example, I saw one blogger in the top ten that writes about Ukrainian foods. So, if you’re looking to entertain Ukrainians, throw a Ukraine-themed gathering, or you work at the White House, this blogger could be solid gold for you. Another segment of food bloggers got their start because of illness that drove dietary considerations, or they’re “healthy” types. I certainly understand that some have had to do extensive research to find out what will accommodate their physical needs, and I sincerely applaud them for their efforts. However, when it comes to naming my food blog, I plan to steer clear of any names that include “healthy”, “trim”, “fit”, or anything that implies you need to have an operating farm in your backyard. Unless you can grow a meatloaf, you’re off my advisory board. If you make your own spaghetti sauce from tomatoes grown on your deck, sayonara. If you smoke and barbecue your own ribs from pigs you grew from scratch, bon voyage. “No-Guilt Calories” is the working name for my food blog, but “Friendly Cholesterol” is growing on me too.
My writings, as always intended to enlighten and inform, will include useful, real world eating discussions and the questions leading up to them. For example,
- Should sandwiches be cut diagonally or down the center? (The Mrs. and I disagree on this one, and quite honestly, I blame a flaw in her upbringing.)
- Mayonnaise or Miracle Whip? (A bit of solid disagreement here as well.)
- hould potato chips be gently undulating, rippled, or wavy?
- Can an egg slicer be used on soft cheese? (This could be a feature article with a demonstration video. OK, I’m on it.)
- Should meatloaf be sliced or spooned? The controversy swirls.
- Put a flock of chickens in your backyard and bond with the neighbors. What better way to make friends than to surround your home with noisy animals, particularly one or two that will crow at 4 AM?
- Is oatmeal really a food, or is it really just an alternative wallpaper paste?
- Who determined that almonds could be milked? (And further, who chooses that as a profession?)
- Can we develop a gasless cow that won’t pollute the atmosphere? The research must continue, because we know that real Americans aren’t giving up red meat.
- Is ketchup really a vegetable? What the Reagan Administration told us, and what the research suggests. Could we have heirloom ketchup some day?
- If wild turkeys eat grubs and ticks, why not stick with a “butterball”? The debate goes on.
- Finally, we need to have a definitive conversation about what condiments are correct for hamburgers and hot dogs. (Believe it or not, some people are still, here in the 21st century, randomly mixing relish, mustard, ketchup, and god-knows what else.)
So, as this vital communicative mission continues, I look forward to feedback from any and all of the 22 million faithful food followers. I fully expect that this will be a defining moment in my blogging career, and as always, I’m thinking . . . . .possibly, but hold the avocado.
I'm Thinking...No! 