Once again, the house is filling up with new arrivals, and in a yearly tradition, is taking on the appearance of a Walmart storage room. (You know, the ones behind closed doors, where, from time to time, some exhausted employee wheels out a loaded flatbed to restock.) I don’t really like to reuse material, but sometimes events just overcome the need for originality. Just so you’ll know, I’m adding bits and pieces along the way to make everything appear fresh and glowing. I figure that some of the great authors and composers reused material, causing us to have a “wait . . where have I heard that before” moment, then I too can do it without causing offense. I like to think of it as “sharing the joy once again”, like rereading “T’was the Night Before Christmas”. For those cultures and traditions that don’t decoratively wrap up dozens, nay hundreds of gifts, truly wise. Here in the United States, as in much of the world, the boon that we provide to retail is equaled only by the astronomical purchases we make to help the wrapping paper and ribbon industries flourish. Which reminds me, this is the year to restock bows and tissue paper. We’re on a strict cycle. Last year, I suggested that, as the Great British Baking Show has spread so rapidly and gained such popularity, maybe it’s time now for the Great American Wrapping Show. Twelve contestants would be selected, possibly from department storing gift wrapping counters or local craft fairs, to compete in a series of wrapping and decorating challenges, confronted with all manner of shapes and sizes of presents. There could be “Sword Fight” with long, pointy objects, or “Boots without Boxes” as the technical wraps, then showstoppers like “Bikes and Scooters”. Anything with rectangles or squares, or fits in a gift box, is off the table. Contestants may fashion their own decorative embellishments, and anyone caught sneaking bags of bows under the tent flaps is immediately sent home. Hillary and David from “Love It or List It” could diversify and become the Paul and Pru of decorative gift wrapping. They could flit from table to table, asking the combatants why they chose the paper and ribbon colors they did. The contestants would then explain with a smile, why the elf paper was a family tradition, and David could give them a withering look.
So, back to the Christmas shopping frenzy that is currently underway. I’ve noticed that “Black Friday” now begins right after the last forkful of stuffing has been consumed on Thanksgiving Day. I know – does anyone actually push away from the table and head to the mall? Opening at a reasonable hour on Friday morning isn’t enough, and hasn’t been for some time, because alert shoppers apparently do their best work between midnight and 2 AM. I’ve even heard that some go to the extent of mapping out the stores they intend to ransack, so they have an organizational strategy. Really? These are people that, like the ones in block-long lines to buy the new model iPhone or see the new Star Wars movie, should be tested and quite possibly institutionalized.
My wife, a ready candidate for the Christmas Shopping Hall of Fame, has long since made the transition from store to internet. Yesterday was another banner day – three packages on the front porch and another at the back door. And that’s just what she ordered last weekend. I may have mentioned in a past Christmas letter that she’s one of just a few that have received a personal “thank you” note, signed by all members of the Board of Directors at American Express. I know – quite an honor. Some of her retirement money goes into what I call her “Swiss Bank Account.” She uses that for most of her Christmas shopping, so if you have AX stock, this might be a good time to start unloading. (Does that constitute “insider trading”? I’m not sure.)
Back to my original premise – Christmas shopping. Let’s get one thing straight. Does anyone, anywhere, actually give cars with enormous red bows for Christmas? I understand the marketing, it’s a slow period for auto salespeople. Most of the ads seem to be high-end cars too – Audis, Lexus, Acuras, Mercedes that are featured. It would suggest that the 1% have been saving their tax break all year to splurge now.
My daughter was saying the other night that a good friend and her mother go out shopping on Black Friday. Her mother loves to see all the people, the lights, the excitement. OK, then. Couple that with the pushing and shoving, three people grappling over the last combination coffee grinder / airfryer, the long lines in the stores that only have two or three checkout stations, or the folks that choose that shopping moment to open a new store credit card account because they’ll save an additional 10% on their $16 purchase. Yep, that $1.60 is worth holding up the line while the cashier’s fingers fly over the keyboard and you select a user name and password. I’m surprised that these folks aren’t hunted down by those behind them in line and beaten senseless behind a large holiday planter. There are too the classic shopping stories. Here’s my favorite, and if you’ve heard it before, just skip this part. My birthday is in early December, so on a Black Friday many years ago (or possibly Black Saturday – it was definitely one of those black days) off went Herself and the Daughter, who was maybe 10 or 11 at the time, to buy my gift, a beautiful suede overcoat, which I still have. Herself had an additional quick stop to make, so she left the Daughter with the coat, in its garment bag on a bench outside. A photographer from the local newspaper came along, taking random pictures of shoppers, and asked if he could take her picture, to which the Daughter wisely responded that he’s have to wait until her mother returned. Back came Herself, and the picture was taken, after which my wife explained that the coat was a surprise birthday gift for a few days hence. The photographer assured her that it wouldn’t be in the paper, to which we coincidentally subscribed, for at least a week or two. True to form, there was the picture on the front page of that Sunday’s paper, my wife holding up the coat bag with the store’s name emblazoned across picture. I believe that I got the coat early, the element of surprise having completely evaporated.
It’s now Black Sunday. I know, I know. Many of the retailers, judging by their holiday sale notices, have developed a diminishing scale of savings packages. I guess it’s their way of pointing the finger of reproof at those of us that didn’t go out this weekend. Thirty percent off until Monday at noon, down to fifteen percent on Tuesday and Wednesday, but not on previous sale items, and by the end of the week, or Pearl-Gray Friday, that Mercedes and everyone’s anxiety levels will have bounced back. Darn, if only that lottery ticket had come in and I could have made my move on the dealership. Another lost opportunity.
Happy Christmas shopping, Everyone!
I'm Thinking...No! 