How things have changed over the years. While it seems that many establishments, from medical practices to service providers and retail stores are spending less and less time worried about customers actually in their buildings, they’re very concerned about customer feedback after the experience. A while ago, I was in a store that announced it is closing all of its stores. There were a couple of items that I thought we might pick up, even though their official announced “Going Out of Business” sales wouldn’t begin until the end of the month. The store, by the way, has been going out of business for quite some time, judging by the empty aisles and body language of the staff. A person of some authority, who I assume might have been the store manager, was giving brisk directions about where to put things to the workers. The atmosphere was much as I’d envision servers cleaning tables in the main dining room of the Titanic shortly before it plunged to its doom. Having looked around and surprisingly found a couple of pairs of jeans in my size, as most of what was left with either Small or 4X, I headed toward the register. There were only a couple of registers open, and long lines. As I waited, a young lady shuffled over to a closed register station next to us. She punched some buttons into the register, and then walked away. She came back a few moments later, the same zombie-like expression on her face, punched some more buttons and again shuffled away. I turned to the couple behind me and said, “I think she’s toying with us.” After a few more of these false starts, she did actually open the register, and I suggested that couple behind me move over quickly and save themselves – it was too late for me.” Now, as I’m actually the next customer ready to check out, the cashier asks me if I am part of their “rewards” program. I responded that, no, I didn’t really shop there often, but then, taking me by surprise, she asked if I’d like to join. If you haven’t read my blog on irony, this would be a good time. Again, this is rather like folks in the lifeboats watching the Titanic go down while filling out customer satisfaction surveys for the White Star Line. My first impulse, as many of you know because sarcasm is my second language, was to respond that that was a great idea, and perhaps she could set me up with a store credit card I chose not to say that. I told her, “no”, I wasn’t interested. In truth, I didn’t shop there often, nor did others, so perhaps we’ve isolated the problem.
A few days later, I was in another store returning a landline telephone set I’d bought to replace our current phones, that neither Herself nor I can stand. It works fairly well, but is quirky. Sometimes you have to yell into it once or twice for the person on the other end to answer. We’ve had it several years now, and I still can’t find out how to recapture a number. I was roaming around the electronics section and saw this phone by a reputable manufacturer. It had a main command post and two substations. That is what we have now, and should work. Getting it home and preparing for launch, I discovered that there was a missing cord to plug in a substation. So, I packed it all up and went back to the store. The beauty of this store, a national chain and, from what I read one of the nation’s largest employers (without divulging their identity), is they only have one customer service line, and I’ve never seen more than one employee there. There is even a sign saying, “Please wait for the next available cashier.” Interesting. My thought was to barge ahead of others – it’s the American way, but I refrained. I chatted with the lady ahead of me in line. We were third or fourth in line, and she told me there had been a second person working there, but the other one left – amazing. Five or six people lined up, and the clerk went somewhere else? Probably saw the line and bolted. Whatever happened to the days of “If there are more than two people waiting in line, we’ll open another cashier station”? Anyway, that lady and I began chatting to pass the wait time, and she told me about a very funny meme she’d seen. It was a picture of a self-service station, with the legend, “Employee of the Month” under it. Sad but true. Going the way of the bank teller, the drug store cashier, and the person taking your order at a fast food restaurant.
In a separate phone story, my sister-in-law contacted us on Herself’s cell to tell us that the landline phones were down. I won’t mention the company and embarrass them, (but it begins with an “x”). Sure enough, ours were down as well. We could call out, but incoming calls went directly to voice mail, which didn’t actually record the calls or register them on Caller ID. I went to their website, and began with a webchat with a very nice young person I assume is in a call center in Pakistan. I told him the problem, and was going to check our account. I told him that it was not an isolated problem. He decided to troubleshoot. We went back and forth for about fifteen minutes before he informed me that it was a nationwide outage. I suggested that he probably should have led with that tidbit before going on a fishing expedition. I asked if there was any indication of when service would be restored, and he had no idea. However, he did tell me that their “advanced tech team” was on it. Great. As we signed off, and here’s the really funny part, a customer satisfaction survey popped up, and would I mind taking four minutes to complete it? I just commented in the “comment” section, which I thought appropriate, that during a break in service might not be the best time to ask about “customer satisfaction”. Sadly, it didn’t go through because I didn’t complete the full survey.
One of the questions we’re asked regularly in the grocery store line, when we’re reached the cashier, is “Did you find everything you needed?” If you’re like me, you answer “yes”, only because if you didn’t find everything, they’ll either send a bagperson to find it for you, holding up the entire line, or they’ll tell you where it is, in which case you’ll have to get out of the line and go get it. Either way, your smoothly coordinated checkout won’t happen as you anticipated. My thought is that you should have asked the person working stocking the aisles. Otherwise, it’s like asking the garage mechanic as you’re driving away if they put the muffler back on. Too late, buddy. Way too late.
Here are some suggestions I’d like to make to companies large and small about their customer service information gathering.
Banks – If I called you for help, and if I got my money back or you stopped payment, enough said. Don’t bother me with “friendly and courteous”. If the account balance is as it should be, that’s all I want. And don’t tell me it “will only take a minute or two”. You’ve asked me fifty questions and taken a good ten minutes of my life that I’ll never get back. Just when I think I’m done, it’s “please continue to Part III.”
Medical Practices – Please don’t ask me to continually rate my doctor. He’s terrific, or I wouldn’t be going to him. (Food for thought – perhaps if you shuttered the marketing department, you know, the folks creating surveys and reading through them, you might be able to pay the nurses a bit more, something closer to what they’re worth.).
Retailers – I don’t want to be part of your “rewards” program unless I ask. If I don’t shop there often, I don’t care and please don’t ask. And I really, really, don’t want to apply for your credit card. I have too many already. In that vein, I have to plug in my phone number at the drug store, and it slows everything down while it “processes”. I don’t recall ever getting a benefit from it, although I had it for years. They still give me a mile-long register tape of coupons apart for the rewards, so great. (Plus, the lady in line ahead of me invariably is trying to use a fistful of expired ones, and she’s getting rather miffed.)
Gas stations – I just want to pump my gas and get out. Cut the advertising and the playful messages. “It’s cold out and we have pots of fresh coffee on!” No, you don’t – your coffee was made six hours ago and is either tepid or now suitable for paving potholes. I only go in if I’m desperate for lottery tickets.
Restaurants and eateries – don’t ask how everything “tastes”. If it’s fine, we’re eating it and not spitting it out. If not, you’d have been summoned long since. Just ask if we need anything – a drink refilled, more rolls and butter, another glass of wine. In a funny incident many years ago, the waitperson asked innocuously, “Was it good? Would you like another?” Sadly, I thought she was referring to the wine she’d recommended, so I smiled and said yes. Another large bowl of soup appeared before me. I believe I brought my dinner home that night, after several runs to the bathroom.
Political Candidates and Organizations – just stop calling or leaving brochures on my front porch. Simply put, Just Stop.
All in all, I think in the 21st century, we’re overthinking and over-feedbacking customer service. Employers, just teach your people to smile, say please and thank you, and don’t respond, “no problem” when we ask for something. Of course it’s no problem. Isn’t that the purpose for which you’re standing there? Let us walk out the door, put down the phone, or answer an email with something from the folks in marketing at Staples came up with – “That was easy.”
I'm Thinking...No! 