This is not an endorsement for any candidate, as I feel that would seriously jeopardize my credentials as an impartial, independent blogger / influencer. For those of you that don’t understand the primary system, it’s a convoluted, messy, scrappy way that we pick delegates, and sometimes really good delegates – they’re called superdelegates, state-by-state that will eventually elect the party’s nominees. We have dozens of candidates blowing through gazillions of gallons of jet fuel crisscrossing the country in attractive geometric patterns, and its ultimate purpose is to take all of the mystery and surprise out of the conventions. That’s it in a nutshell. Right now, there’s a lot of fun going on here in New Hampshire surrounding our primary because it’s the first officially scheduled one, except for Iowa, which is a caucus and not really a primary. The difference is that people go to polling stations and, well, I’m not really sure what, but somehow they indicate their preferences. We use a paper ballot, which is much better. Then we have Russian nationals to count the ballots and tell us who won. No, we don’t really, but Mr. Putin has offered his people to help.
I’d like to give a tip of the hat to Iowa for throwing statistics and tracking into total confusion. We haven’t seen this much anxiety in an election, or as they call it there, “caucus”, since the glory days of hanging chads of Florida. Just when we think we’re so much better than those elections in third world countries where election results take weeks or months, where multiple candidates claim victory, where finally someone claims victory via a military coup, and voila, a new government is formed. Here, the military traditionally steps aside and lets the voters do their darnedest to make a mockery of democracy, followed by tech glitches that make us the laughing stock of the free world.
So here we are, sitting in New Hampshire waiting to see the momentum from Iowa, only there isn’t any. Just great. Now we’ll have to rely on our better judgements and instincts, and you know that can’t be good. The candidates are back and bouncing around the state like ping pong balls. Some of them will have to bounce as far as DC to vote, but they’ll be back. The newest thing is the “town hall”.
For those unaware, and in my capacity as one who enlightens, town meeting was the original epicenter of local government in colonial days, where everyone that could take time off from milking the cows would pop in to the town hall to vote on the budget, elect town officials called “selectmen”, now “selectpersons”, and other essential positions like the Fence Viewer, the Overseer of Cemeteries, the Road Agent, the Trustee of Trust Funds, and of course, the Town Clerk. The town meetings were typically hotbeds of discussion and debate. They ended life-long friendships, and pitted brother or sister against brother or sister. For example, should Parson’s Lane be paved? The dust that kicks up is killing Ella Parson. Does the Fire Department really need to buy new hoses to replace the ones that leak? The volunteers don’t usually get there until a half hour after the house is gone. What to do about the boiler in the Town Hall? The meeting is in March, so we’d better do something. – maybe move the meeting to June? Are we going to have Old Home Day this year? The parade is always nice, with kids on their bikes. Now, I’ve really got off topic, but as my intent here is to be deeply informative, so be it.
Political Town Meetings have popped up like dandelions in the lawn. These are opportunities for candidates to explain and expand on their plans, their vision, their hopes and dreams. It’s also a time for the voting populace to display their general ignorance of major issues. Truth be told, most couldn’t find Ukraine on a map with flashing red lights. I should have mentioned to several of the candidates that, when they talk about “Medicare For All”, that’s a red flag here. A healthy percentage of New Hampshire residents are on Medicare, and the “for all” part might mean they’ll have to share. We here in the Granite State aren’t partial to sharing. It’s just not our thing. To many, “It takes a village” smacks of socialism, which we all know is bad. Our state motto is “Live Free Or Die.” Reading between the lines, we’d rather die than share our medical benefits.
So, here’s our field. There’s a crazy man in the White House, surrounding himself with his closest advisors – his children. There’s talk of moving the Administration to a resort near Palm Beach because the commute is taking its toll on him. The current White House might make another nice hotel to go with the one across the street. Does the Lincoln Bedroom have its own en suite bath? We’re not seeing much by way of primary challenge on that side of the aisle. But on the other side, well . . . .
Now we feature a variety. For fresh faces, there are a former vice president and long-time senator. Both have been around since Lyndon Johnson. I would never want to indulge in ageism, but dear God, they make Jimmy Carter look youthful. There are three women candidates – one who is polling well and the other two who’s campaigns are in low single digits. Those two haven’t caught on, despite a recent uptick in television advertising. There’s a candidate with extensive experience as mayor of a mid-sized Western city. Of course he’s gay in Indiana, so he has seen his fair share of adversity. There is a former Governor of Massachusetts who’s late in throwing his hat into the ring. We all know how well former Massachusetts governors do in presidential elections when they’re the front runners, so this ought to be good. We also have a couple of billionaires that are self-funding their campaigns. I feel pretty comfortable saying that either would be far better than the last one to “self-fund”, and they’re both spending obscene amounts of money on advertising – one had a Super Bowl ad that wasn’t even funny. But seriously, isn’t that how we got into this mess four years ago?
For those who aren’t particularly paying attention to the process, here are a couple of terms you might want to know. A campaign needs to gain “traction”. That means, it’s catching on like a wildfire in California. Name recognition is huge. Quite a few of the candidates have had traction like a rear wheel on an ice patch. Nowadays, candidates don’t “drop out” when their campaigns falter, running out of money and momentum. They “suspend” their campaigns. I like that – it implies that they’re only in a holding pattern like a plane over LaGuardia, and at some point, voters will come to their senses and climb on board.
Some of us assumed that, after having our first African-American president, the pool of diversity of candidates would be wide open and swelling up like a mushroom cloud. Not so much. We have a bunch of old white people, and some young white people. Only one African American and one Asian. Way to go diversity-wise, America. We’ve already built the wall – around white presidential candidates.
We here in New Hampshire will miss the excitement of primary season. By that I mean the random knocking on the front door by folks “canvassing”, the phone calls from random people I don’t know or from “cell phone” in Alabama. The endless polls. One Boston television station will be providing us with nightly poll numbers between now and next Tuesday. Ah, just great. There is the boost to the state economy, except for the candidates that have run out of money and can’t pay their hotel and bus bills. In another month or two, there will be a fleet of campaign buses at auction with large lettering crossed out. Campaign posters and flyers will be collectibles. And my phone calls will be back to those selling windows or offering me lower interest credit cards. Oh, my.
I'm Thinking...No! 