Her Ladyship and I went for a drive today, and I can tell you all that it’s official. Every highway, secondary road, back road, country trail, and a good percentage of driveways are now under construction. Road crews are busy as bees digging up or smoothing out every road in New Hampshire, and most of Massachusetts too. There are some solid reasons for this. The pandemic has kept many people off the roads, so it’s holding up fewer people – although the DPW doesn’t want to advertise this. They want us to think they’re holding up thousands. Also, and some of you may not know this, but Juno, for which the month of June was named, was the Roman Goddess of Road Construction. Oh, yes. Rumor and folklore have it that she personally oversaw the resurfacing of the Appian Way, limiting chariots to one lane.
For those of you that are not really up on how road construction works, there are several different types. There is the “resurfacing”. That usually means that they’re just laying down a new coat of asphalt. By way of further explanation, and I’m not a professional – just working from random observations, they’ll fill the major holes, and then running something like a large farm harrow over the road. That will cut grooves in the pavement, so that presumably the new layer of pavement will stick better. Either that, or it just makes it really unpleasant for us to drive over before the road is done, so we’ll appreciate the new pavement more. To add to the excitement of the repaving, it’s done in non-connecting strips. They’ll pave, for example, a half mile of the northbound lane. Then, they’ll start on the opposite side and pave another half mile to a mile, going the other way. There is, of course, a gap of about 200 yards between the two. You always want to have a few miles of one lane pavement going in different directions. That’s important because then folks using that road will have no way to anticipate what and how much is being redone, nor will they know how long the total project is going to take. And there is that jolting “whomp” as you go from one lane to the other. Key here is that, once all of the new pavement is down, it’s really important to keep one lane traffic in place while the road crews, working at glacial speed or standing around watching the bulldozers with fascination, tidy up the guard rails and spread dirt on the shoulders of the road. Those will be seeded and then all wash away during the next torrential rain. The shoulders will wash away big chunks of the new pavement, which will require . . . . . . you guessed it, that wonderful orange sign the size of Times Square billboards that read, “Roadwork Ahead.” Right after that, when you see a sign with the outline of a flag person, then you pretty much know you won’t be getting to your destination in your allotted timeframe.
Bridge repairs are something pretty special. It’s uncommon to see a bridge fixed up a bit. No, the typical method is to build a new bridge next to the old one. That’s so you can use the new, yet apparently temporary bridge while the old one is being rebuilt. That means that the road will suddenly swerve either left or right to get you onto the part-timer. One the new one is done, we’re pretty much back where we started. While I’m not a fan of roadwork, as you may have guessed, I have passed under a number of bridges over the years that, quite honestly, look rather rusty and tatty, and certainly don’t instill confidence that they’ll remain standing while I go under them. In fact, sometimes those little green signs that say “Bumpas Valley Road” appear to be structural rather than merely decorative. So, with that in mind, go ahead and replace those, everyone.
Highways seem to be much more fun for the engineers and the construction companies to repair or replace. For one thing, there are lots and lots of big pieces of equipment digging up dirt and trucking it to some other place while it waits to be trucked back to where it started. There are always fleets of dump trucks that say, “Construction Vehicle. Do Not Follow!” I’ve often thought it might be fun to follow them anyway, right off the highway and onto an unpaved work site, just to see if anybody stopped me and said something. The most exciting part of any highway construction is that it usually involves relocating the whole thing while they build new foundations. I’m tempted to guess where the highway is going to end up, and I’m wrong much of the time. Adding to the thrill of highway construction is that the routes are constantly changing. Where we were driving just the other day is now being torn up by a bulldozer. They always set up orange cones to “guide” us through the new lanes, exits, and entrances. That could be a television game show – “Figure Out Route 93”. If you end up in a ditch or down an embankment, you lose. It’s amazingly fun to follow the new routing at night, because they haven’t set up those tall highway lights yet, so you’re working only from your headlights and the people in front of you. If they get off track, it’s pretty much all over for everyone behind them.
The very best elements of road construction in June are the local projects – you know, the ones where they’re replacing a septic line or water main. Step one is to block off the whole street. Step two is to put up the “detour” signs. These are typically in bright colors with an arrow pointing somewhere. The town road department didn’t really think through the entire route of the detour, so it’s enough merely to send you off into an unknown part of town. This is particularly effective if they can send us into a maze of residential streets and weave in and out, backtracking several times. As a final test of our mental stability, they’ve given several streets similar names – often the names of the builder’s wife, mother, or daughters. So, Maryann Lane crosses over Maryann Drive, then you turn left onto Maryann Road. That confuses your GPS. A couple of weeks ago, I was going to visit a friend. I knew the way to his house like the back of my hand, of course without that dark spot that I need to get checked. About a half mile away, you guessed it – a detour into a swirl of roads and streets. After driving around for about 15 minutes, thinking I’d come out somewhere familiar, I didn’t. So, pulled out my trusty phone navigation system. What I though was his “road” was actually a “drive”. Fine, be that way. It got me there and we social distanced on his back deck. Going home, I of course got lost again, so used my faithful friend once again to get home. Great. Made the 25-minute trip in a mere 45 minutes. I told him that I’d send him one of my blogs of mutual interest, so I printed it out and got it ready to mail. Remembering that my Navigation System had told me that his street was a drive and not a road, I posted it accordingly. Yes indeed, back it came from the Postal Service as “incorrect address”. To add to the total effect, Her Ladyship informed me that she’d been mailing their Christmas cards to “road” for last 25 years, with just a faint trace of superiority.
So, I wish all of my readers safe travel if you have to go out. You can even wear your facemasks in the construction zones, if it’s particularly dusty. They often are. Watch out for those always helpful signs that accompany any construction, like “bump”. I usually spot that just as I’m hitting it. “Lane ends” is another great one – because suddenly the car next to you surges ahead so he or she will gain the advantage and a nanosecond or two of time saved. There is the ever popular “Trucks entering and exiting.” Usually the exit isn’t a problem, unless someone isn’t paying attention and follows it into oblivion. “Unpaved surface ahead” means roll up the windows and prepare for a dustbowl. And after what seems like an eternity, you come across “End of Road Work”. Yes, our prayers have been answered, for about 10 minutes until, down the road a bit, you see looming, “Roadwork Ahead.” Oh, God.
I'm Thinking...No! 