In lessons learned from Project Runway, there is a razor-sharp line between bold innovation and truly ghastly – likely to get you sent home. Certain color combinations, elements of line and form can either please the eye and capture the imagination, or they can cause us to avert our eyes or worse, run to the bathroom. Now, as we are in the bleakest of midwinters, when the always relevant and lively debate topic of “winter white” inevitably comes up, can there be middle ground, or are there absolutes in play?
As my faithful readers will know, Her Ladyship is a major arbiter of fashion. In fact, some years ago she had cards made up that say, in effect, “I can help you – please call me” relative to fashion decisions. These cards were intended to be given out to people in real need, in airports, shopping malls, tourist destinations, and other open spaces where fashion faux pax are likely to happen. In fairness, I don’t think Her Ladyship has actually delivered any, tempting as it may be. Yes, we’ve all seen those people, haven’t we? People wearing conflicting plaids. (My brother is famous for layering plaid flannel shirts, but fortunately, a deep aversion to fresh air and sunshine keeps him safely indoors most of the time.) Stripes going the wrong way on people not escapees from prison. Washed out colors on washed out people. Sandals and socks. Polyester. Yes, I know what you’re thinking. Does this really happen? Sadly, it does. Some should not be out without clear fashion guidelines or, in extraordinary cases, standing appointments with fashion therapists.
An element of contention in our house has been the defining, clear delineation, and proper wearing of “winter” white, as opposed to “bright” or pure white. Traditional guidelines direct that pure white should only be worn between Memorial and Labor Days, though not necessarily restricted to tennis and yachting. Presumably, pure white reaches its full and most dazzling pinnacle when the sunlight shimmers at its longest point in the Northern Hemisphere. [NOTE: residents of the Southern Hemisphere should know simply to reverse the seasons.] During the fall and winter months, and well into the spring, “winter” or off-white is desired. It’s less striking, more restful and soothing to the eye. Winter white may have slight tints of tan, beige, or gray. Keep in mind, of course, that the sun isn’t directly overhead but striking the white at an angle, producing a much less pronounced effect. Thus, one might wish to incorporate a winter white with hints of gray in the morning, while switching to more beige / cream / tan earth-tone-centered whites in the afternoon for a greater sense of warmth and “glow”. Particularly in the fall, when the leaves become “foliage”.
For many years, Her Ladyship would coordinate my clothes or, in the absence of advance decision-making, provide immediate and often derisive feedback. “You’re not wearing that, are you?” and “What were you thinking when you put that together?” sprinkled the pre-departure conversation, completely stamping out my sense of fashion adventure. In later years, I had a pretty good idea of what she’d approve or not, and would act accordingly. After she retired, I’d be off to school before she was fully awake, and every so often, I’d be greeted in the afternoon with “Oh, God, were you wearing that all day?” I was sometimes tempted to respond, “No. I changed into this in the car on the way home.” Just the other day, as I was fetching her outfit from the closet, I inadvertently mixed a red and white striped shirt with a dark pink sweater. I know, I know. Under the muted closet light, though, the red stripe was almost a pinky red. There would not have been consternation from anyone coming to . . . . ok, nobody comes to the house anyway, but Her Ladyship would know.
Certain things tended to push Herself over the edge. For example: Yellow and khaki. Partners or adversaries? Many put these together either in close or distant proximity. Fashion choices here. Can one safely wear khaki slacks with a yellow necktie? Are they far enough apart? Is less more? I tried on some occasions to wear a yellow shirt with khaki or stone pants. No, no, I’m informed an authoritative tone. Occasionally in the warm weather, I’d wear my favorite yellow and white striped polo shirt with khaki shorts. Again, not advisable. I’d get “the look”. From time to time, I’d attempt to put camel-colored dress shoes with a black or navy suit. Nope, not a bit of it. The shoes must be black. Of course, Drew Carey wore them often when he took over “Price Is Right”, but I couldn’t pull it off without drawing down extensive embarrassment on the household.
The whole issue of black/brown combinations has blurred considerably in recent years. It was a no-no for generations. I remember George Gobel’s appearance on a star-studded Tonight Show many years ago. He came out near the end, and sitting down next to Johnny Carson, remarked, “I feel like the world’s a tuxedo, and I’m a pair of brown shoes.” Self-effacing yet still adhering to fashion protocols.
Our dear friend, Lady Peacock, whose taste is impeccable, and who, as related in earlier writings returned petunias to the nursery because they blossomed in the wrong colors, and thus in their front step container would seriously clash with the wreath on the front door, didn’t always her trust her own instincts and would consult with Herself. Yes, indeed, many is the time that Lady P would appear at our door with an armload of clothes. This was usually in anticipation of a luncheon or dinner engagement which needed just the right statement, and she’d proceed to try them on in endless combinations until success was achieved. On a number of occasions, an “emergency” shopping trip had preceded the mini-runway.
The Princess has picked up on, and is a frequent contributor to the “winter white” conversation. I should also mention that Herself favors white cars, for some reason or other. Her last car purchase, when by herself, reflected that. However, it’s a bright white, which of course begs the question, can we drive it after Labor Day? My dear sister-in-law, she of the diminishing filter, remarked at one point when car shopping recently about the stark unpleasantness of bright white cars, of course overlooking that Her Ladyship’s is just that. From time to time, as the three of us – Herself, the Princess, and I are out motoring, a voice from the back seat will draw attention to another car, similar but distinctive, posing the query – “is it a true winter white or perhaps an off-beige?” With follow up – “perhaps a February or March snow white?” And just where do “alabaster” and “ecru” fit into the family of winter whites?
To sum up, then, here are the general rules:
- Don’t ever, ever, wear yellow and khaki unless you are two different people going in opposite directions.
- Don’t mix black and dark brown unless you have a strong sense of self or a mixed breed dog.
- Don’t go overboard with blues and teals unless you’re Lady Peacock. Only she can weave them intricately into attire and room décor.
- Don’t wear bright white before Memorial Day or after Labor Day unless:
You’re a car.
You’re playing tennis at the Country Club in 1962.
You’re Donald Trump’s golfing jersey and matching cap.
I'm Thinking...No! 