It occurred to me that, while most of us have not given more than seventy years of service to Queen and country, as did the late Duke of Edinburgh, there are elements of our lives that could and should rightfully be recognized. To that end, I’ve taken the liberty to add titles and recognition to our dear friend, Lady Peacock, as she would be most appreciative and certainly in full expectation.
As I’ve mentioned in previous writing, Lady Peacock has spent extensive time – several hours, in fact – researching her ancestry. That research strongly suggests, to her at least, that she is in a direct line to the Royal Family, going back murkily to the White Queen and the House of York. She could be called the “White Rose” of the current Royal Family, and due not just to her alabaster complexion. Fully utilizing that important information, we can really begin to “flesh out” a picture that combines her legacy and her critical attributes. It’s doubtful that Lady P, in the distant future, can be interred properly at Windsor, as the royals seem to have been wantonly filling up the crypts at St. George’s Chapel, Westminster Abbey, and other key locations with members of the family for hundreds of years. There is the larger question too of how many of her titles and honors can be passed on to future generations of her family.
Based on what I’ve read, members of the aristocracy would typically have a unique and personal standard designed to fly prominently at important locations and at important events, or in perpetuity when they’re deceased. It seems appropriate at this juncture to prepare such a standard for Lady Peacock, so that she’s not left to fly a blank white standard at half-staff over Teale Cottage. That could signify something else entirely. So, here goes:
A background of teal or royal blue – perhaps a dark teal so that the images “pop”. In bold, the legend, RUNNICUS LATUS (from the Latin, “I’m Running Late”). The Starbucks logo, in white to signify both her devotion to lattes and her connection to the White Queen, should be displayed prominently in an upper quadrant, along with a dollop of whipped cream. Opposite should be a raspberry, her favorite fruit, emblazoned with chocolate, her second favorite “fruit”. She’s not really big on animals, so we could forego images of lions, tigers, or . . . . . wait, on second thought, a tortoise might work well. We can fill in the remaining spaces with zigzagging lines and sprigs of lavender. We’ll of course need to contact the College of Heraldry so that preliminary sketches can be developed and submitted. Lady P’s decision-making process is a bit more complex than most, so it will take some time. Then, we must have the standard properly inscribed, registered, published, and whatever else they do. It may take a while, but it will all be well worth the effort when the Off-White Queen’s standard flutters in the breeze over the ramparts of Teale Cottage, her official (and only) residence.
There will need to be significant upgrades to her titles as well. Again, as a valued member of the Royal Family, these will need to be run by Queen Elizabeth to gain the necessary approvals, but as they’re as close as two distant cousins who have never met can be (and for whom the Queen can only respond, “Who is this person?”), that’s just a formality. Here are some suggestions that should add prestige and dignity to Lady P’s official stationery.
Duchess of Cadbury and Viscountess of Godiva and Hershey, combining the duchy with other territories that are either her personal favorites, chocolate-wise, or those currently lacking their own designated nobles. As has been mentioned in prior writings, Cadbury Castle, is at present a less than impressive pile of decaying stonework, and it needs both a champion and a suitable rebuilder. The Duchy has been without a legitimate heir for quite some time, so here is a real opportunity and possibly a new show for HGTV. It could work as either a renovation feature or something stretching the boundaries of reality television.
Grand Overseer of the Royal Creamery and Buttery Society This coincides nicely with Lady Peacock’s great passion for all things dairy. Anyone that has been with Lady P in a restaurant knows that the standard allotments of cream and butter are merely starters for her. The waitperson will make at least a half dozen more trips to the kitchen for replacements.
Liege Lady of the Creature Comfort Council Providing critical insights into all matters of comfort and comfortable accessories, from heated steering wheels and car seat memory to superior crepe makers and bathroom advancements, Lady Peacock is a true connoisseur and worthy advisor for all things luxury. (See previous writing, where it is revealed that Macy’s is her “dollar store”.)
Trowel Mistress of the Ancient Order of the Purple Pansy The appropriateness of this cannot be understated, as shades of lavender and purple are second only to blues and teals in Lady P’s hierarchy of color preference. On a recent visit, she explained, with great pleasure, that she’d found the perfect shades of purple for her first installment of flowers for her outdoor arrangements. Well done, Whole Foods!
Grand Companion to the Association of Unregistered Solicitors and Unlicensed Barristers Well known in legal circles, Lady Peacock has frequently been involved in legal actions both as prosecutor / plaintiff, and as defendant. At any given time, she has an experienced corps of legal counsel on retainer. Her courtroom questioning “on re-direct” is legendary.
Grand Influencer of High Tea This award is bestowed by Fortnum and Mason, recognizing Lady Peacock’s devotion to High Tea, with emphasis on the sugary delights therein. She makes personal appearances at Fortnum and Mason when in London, complete with hors d’oeuvres napkin signings, and has popularized the High Tea Doggie Bag, allowing her to take out anything she couldn’t consume on the premises.
Mistress of the Fields of Lavender Another of Lady Peacock’s great pleasures is derived from lavender – both the scent and taste. On one of her trips to the UK, she was scheduled to visit a lavender field, along with the gift shop, which she’d planned to have shipped in its entirety to Teale Cottage. Alas, both had the impertinence to be closed, and thus adding to Lady P’s list of significant disappointments.
Grand Dame of the Royal Order of Retail Owing to her prolific status in shopping, it is only fitting that Lady Peacock be awarded the distinction of Grand Dame. Unfortunately, there does not seem to be any official organizations relating to the corresponding returns of purchases, for which she would rightfully be accorded distinctions as Supreme Ruler and Gold Medalist.
Dame of the Most Noble Order of the Society of Snacks A nod both to her noble status and to her sizeable and notable emergency snack, typically found on the back seat of her car. The snacks carry the Royal warrant on the package.
This list is of necessity incomplete, and no doubt there will be other awards and titles in the offing, because no number of distinctions can give recognition to Lady Peacock’s charitable associations, and her selfless giving of vision, time and talents. For example, she has given huge amounts of time to the development of, what we call, the “Peacock Way”, an alternative highway and road system that would allow her to travel freely from place to place without the interference or distraction of other drivers. She created the “Week of Lady Peacock”, a large-scale celebration of her birthday that goes far beyond a mere 24 hours. Finally, she’s been in talks with herself about a television series in which she dispenses wit, wisdom, taste, and effective decision-making. The working title is, “If Only People Would Listen to Me”.
I'm Thinking...No! 