Just received a new shipment of masks. They are the latest in a long line of mask-developments that will protect us from the latest strain of COVID, named Omicron. Personally, I’d have called it “Phil”, which is far easier to remember. We could reuse some of the hurricane names, I suppose, or use some that the National Weather Service has rejected, like “Timmy”. Here’s the headline on the news: “An update on the newest pandemic variant, first reported in Arkansas, which the CDC is calling, ‘Bucky’.”
This is actually my third writing on wearing masks in public. To be honest, I never stopped actually wearing them, because I take seriously the dire warnings of the medical community. The tree pillars of safety, I call them. “1) Stay home. 2) Wear a Mask. 3) Breathe as little as possible.” I believe the experts when they tell us how the virus spreads, unlike former President Trump, whose pandemic policies were developed by his tax accountants and a couple of top executives from the makers of window cleaner. Knowing now what we do, masks are very effective in preventing the public spread of disease, and the facemask, like the automobile, has evolved. Here’s what you should know about this vital topic.
Our daughter, as I’ve mentioned before, keeps up on the latest details about facemasks. She in fact is the one that ordered our latest, the Stage IV, triple insulated, five-layer KN95 white mask. It has more protective layers and durability than the Stage III, which was black. That’s how I tell the difference. She has made truly laudable, and I say this seriously, efforts to keep her family, her parents in particular, safe throughout the ordeal by procuring our vaccinations through the website portal, then our booster shots, and most recently, rapid COVID tests arrived so we’ll be able to tell if we’re sick. The downside, of course, is that she’s curtailed my outside activities – trips to the grocery store, for example. Her intentions are noble and well-intended. I have responded in kind by filling her bedroom with plants and squandering her inheritance on random online purchases of useless crap. But I digress.
Our mask journey began when masks weren’t available much. Remember those pictures of the Patriots jets flying in cases of them from China, during the brief interval when we were talking to the Chinese? My sister-in-law, the official family seamstress, leapt into action and made fabric masks for us all. Brightly colored and patterned, we were very stylish – at least I was, and I became quite proficient at the behind the head tie. Her second batch had elastics, so that skill faded quickly. I do believe that I looked quite fetching in line outside the grocery store at 6:30 in the morning in the freezing cold. A short time after, we went into seclusion and had the groceries delivered to the door. I only used the mask to bring in the bags from the back porch. That was also about the time my reusable bags became obsolete, so I threw those out. We were then advised by the experts that fabric, unless you washed them like, hourly, wasn’t as effective in disease prevention, so, voila, the attractive blue and white ones became plentiful – you could get them anywhere – so they replaced the colorful, homemade ones. They got us through the first wave and two or three successive surges. In fact, you still see them around quite a bit. Some folks have become comfortable with them apparently. Those folks are at least trying, but sadly haven’t kept up with the mask technology.
Next, we went through an upgraded mask that was narrower and had two little flaps that fit uncomfortably around the nose and mouth. They were built of a stiff cardboard – that felt really pleasant on your face, but I was told they were more effective in filtering out molecules of disease, so tried to get used to them. For some reason – possibly the comfort – there weren’t many of those around. I got lots of curious looks in them. Not as curious, though, as . . .
The pointy ones came out about eight months ago. These are the ones with the seam down the front. They look reminiscent of the ones worn during the Black Plague in the Middle Ages. Remember the pictures of those? The nose stuck out about six inches, and made one look like a pelican. Back in the 14th century, only doctors wore them at first, but then their use expanded to nobility and secret societies. Maybe I should join a secret society – the ones that meet in museums just after midnight and have capes and elaborate rituals. But yet again, I’m on a tangent. These too are sturdy – built of industrial strength fabric and most likely left-over cardboard boxes. Probably the ones from Amazon deliveries. We have a truckload of those in the basement. They’re a great size for . . . . . . well, you know and I know we’ll never use them if we live to be 200 years old. Our heirs and clean-out crews will marvel at the number of deliveries we got. Just as we’ve had The Great Depression and The Post-War Era, this will be known as The Great Pandemic / Amazon Delivery Era.
The first pointy ones, what I refer to as “The Plague” masks were white and presumably added a more layers of protection and security. The next shipment, of which we still have a couple of packages of 50 or so, are black and are even better. Of course, that means the old white ones are now in the closet with the slimline ones with the flaps that were left over along with a couple of the white/blue ones. That will be our “emergency” supply, for example, for strangers coming to the door. I’ve considered getting one of those thermometers – the ones you point at someone’s forehead and it lights up to tell you if they have a temperature. It would pair nicely with the metal detectors at the front and back doors. (Just kidding – we had those taken out some time ago – they seemed just a bit unfriendly.) This week several new packages arrived, courtesy of Elizabeth and ordered from her monitoring center in Boston. They are white, replacing the black ones, so they’re going to be super-safe. It’s rather confusing, though, having two batches of white ones. I’m thinking of tie dying the new ones so I can tell them from the old white ones. They’re strikingly similar in shape and style.
Meanwhile, Americans are responding to the surge with their usual calm dignity. This on the news this morning: A customer at a coffee shop outside Boston was arrested for throwing hot coffee at an unmasked person. He had the right idea, but a tad extreme, no? The old “hot-coffee-in-the-face” gambit has been guaranteed, time and again, to get you jail time, to say nothing of civil litigation. Another person, a rider on the city transit system, was being escorted off a train because he was unmasked and refused to put one on. He turned violent and, again, will face charges and probably be a guest of the state. And finally, just the other night, a customer in a pizza shop punched a worker there when the employee asked him to put on a mask. Not only is this assault, but, worse, you’ll never get your pizza.
So, here we are once again – looking like soldiers emerging from the trenches of World War I. Like World War I, this too shall pass. I hope that this update has been instructional for all of my faithful readers, as you navigate your way through the latest rounds of safe masking. Should you have any questions, well, just let me know. I’ll check in with my personal medical authority and get back to you as soon as possible. Meanwhile, if I see any pointy, tie-dyed masks out on the street, it will mean that a) you read my blog, which is good, and b) you shamelessly stole my idea, which isn’t.
Warmest regards, everyone, for a safe month.
I'm Thinking...No! 