I was sitting on my back porch on a recent morning, sipping coffee and reading a book, waiting for Her Ladyship to make her grand entrance into the day. Most every morning in the warm weather, I sit and read the paper, then a book. Always have at least one book in process. Right now, I have a biography of Arturo Toscanini, a French mystery, and a John Grisham. I’m working my way through. Books are one of the great sources of happiness. I’ve always felt sorry for folks that don’t read. Work has been progressing on my gardens, and fanciful spots of color with containers of flowers are everywhere. It all looks quite nice, if I do say so myself, and it occurred to me that amidst the unhappiness of our time from sometimes empty shelves at the grocery store to the price of gasoline, I’m very happy. You wouldn’t always know that, based on my occasional “grumpy old man” writings, where I highlight the foibles of humans and our times, but I am. Life has been good to us, Her Ladyship and myself.
Yes, gas is expensive. But I don’t really need to go anywhere. Short trips to pick up supplies, out t0 a nursery to get plants when I want to get them. And if I don’t, there’s always ordering things like books on line. So, as I sit here reflecting on the most important things in life, with Chopin playing softly in the background, I’m satisfied. I’m truly and deeply happy. When she was home the last time, Elizabeth had some classic movies she needed to watch in connection with her course work and in preparation for her oral exams. We watched Casablanca and Sunset Boulevard, among others. I’d seen bits and snatches of them, but never from start to finish. It’s wonderful, like reading Jane Eyre, Wuthering Heights, War and Peace. Books and movies you feel you should have seen or read years ago but didn’t. After seeing the television adaptation of Around the World in 80 Days, I ordered and read the book. Delightful. Those things give us great satisfaction and make us happy. Catching up with the world’s great treasures.
We had breakfast yesterday with our dear friend Deborah. I taught with her many years ago – in fact more years ago than I care to count. She semi-retired, and doing a lot of work from home, and enjoys her professional life. She’s going through a bit of a rough patch though in her personal life. Opportunities like breakfast out yesterday, a pleasant diversion for us, are moments of respite for her. For an upbeat person, she’s just not in a good place right now. So meeting for breakfast or having her to dinner, and just being there, is about all we can do.
Our friend Lady Peacock is in Ireland right now with her latest companion, a very nice gentleman she met online. One hopes that the trip will go well, and much will. But there are always those elements that won’t meet expectations either. Before leaving a few days ago, she’d been watching the Irish weather obsessively, as is her nature, and the predictions of rain took over her joyful anticipation. “I’m not going there to see rain.”, stated she on the phone. I asked her why she thought Ireland was the “Emerald Isle”? Because it rains a great deal and in consequence is lush and green. Lady Peacock is a wonderful person, but she does tend to revel in disappointment and dissatisfaction. Many conversations open with “I just wish . . . . . . .” followed by something in life that’s let her down. It didn’t meet her expectations. It left her empty and unhappy. Life’s potential for happiness just seem to elude her. It’s on the horizon, waiting for her to catch up, but that doesn’t often happen.
So, what truly makes us happy? Simplicity makes us happy. Me writing my blog every few days or weeks, checking to see if anyone is reading it, which they often are. I had 95 hits one day last week. While it’s not quite enough to reach “influencer” status or attract deep-pocketed investors, it’s fine for me. I hope I’ve made 90 of them at least smile. The Princess passed her oral exams for her doctorate “with distinction”. Nothing creates happiness like a success from one’s offspring. A line we quote often, from Law and Order, came from the police officer who said, “You’re only as happy as your unhappiest child.” Boy, is that ever true. We went through the anxiety in the run-up to the oral exams. The last couple of years have been exceeding stressful for most of us. Being retired, Her Ladyship and I could step away from the world. A service delivered our food, and Amazon pretty much saw to the rest of it. We stayed in, quite content. In fact, not much different from what we normally do. I feel badly for those that must get out on a daily basis. I feel so badly for those families with small children waiting for the next shipment of formula.
On the other side, I’ve stopped buying lottery tickets because, well, at our stage of life, do we need tens of millions of dollars? I suppose that we could make some charities very happy, or give a major boost to the Princess’ inheritance or set up college funds for our great nieces and nephews. But, no. I pick up some scratch tickets because Herself enjoys them, and every so often, we win enough to even pay for them. We give to a couple of favorite charities. We can’t give a lot, but we send them small donations several times a year. That makes me happy. I also give a little bit to national public radio – that too gives me a warm feeling.
In know many for whom enough is never enough. Vladimir Putin has enormous personal wealth, estimated somewhere in the billions. So, what’s he looking for from Ukraine? Does he or Russia need more? What is with dictators around the world that bleeding their countries dry? Kim Jong Un is firing off nuclear weapons while his people starve. For what purpose? Can he possibly be a happy man? I sincerely doubt it. He’s never, to our western knowledge, done anything that would make him happy and fulfilled.
After years of reflection, I’ve determined that happiness comes two-fold. The first is doing something that makes others happy. The person that mows the lawn for an elderly neighbor that can’t get out themselves. The person that pays for coffee for the person in the car behind him or her in line. The person in the grocery line that says, “You’ve only got two items. Why don’t you go ahead of me.” The other day, my neighbor, who has very painful sciatica, was struggling on the front steps with a bag of trash. I took it and transported it to the dumpster. A small gesture that took me no time at all, but I knew he appreciated it, and it made me happy to do it. That look on a young person’s face when he or she comes to the door selling Christmas wreaths for the Scouts or a sports team and I agree to buy a couple. Small things that give others pleasure, and thus come back to us in full measure or more. The second source of happiness is simply finding contentment in ourselves, and the ability to find contentment there. Taking an afternoon nap or reading a good book. Making a meal that I know Her Ladyship will appreciate, like meatloaf, her favorite. Conversations with friends. Watching our television shows – reliving old favorites or exploring new ones.
Yes, indeed. The keys to happiness are not complex, don’t cost a fortune, or exist just beyond our grasp. We can create them for ourselves each and every day, snatching short moments or stretching longer ones. And we must never look back, lamenting what might have been or what didn’t quite meet expectations. They’re like George Kastanza – none of his plans, his schemes, his grand designs ever quite work out as planned. There is certainly enough sadness, enough true tragedy in life, so we must not expend valuable energy living in a world of regret.
So, my faithful readers, be well, be happy, and if happiness doesn’t come to you directly, create your own.
I'm Thinking...No! 