As the world mourns the death of Queen Elizabeth II, our thoughts and prayers all are with the Royal Family in their time of loss. This I say in all seriousness, because so many millions around the globe feel as if they’ve lost a grandmother. Our thoughts also go out to the people of the United Kingdom in their grief.
Here in North America, though, our immediate thoughts focus, quite rightly, on the possible effect or effects this will have on our dear friend, Lady Peacock. She, as you well know from my previous writings, spent countless hours – I believe four – tracing her ancestry, and comes to the inevitable conclusion that she’s a loosely determined descendent of the House of York through King Edward IV’s mother-in-law, Countess Rivers. Historians will remember that this lineage left power in the 1480’s, when their final ruler, King Richard III involuntarily gave up his crown at Bosworth Field. That does make Lady Peacock, or as she’s known in royal circles, The Off-White Queen, a fairly distant cousin and dubious claimant to the throne of Great Britain. The original White Queen and Lady Peacock’s possible ancestor, Elizabeth Woodville, was married first to Sir John Grey, so it’s entirely possible that Lady Peacock is descended from Lady Jane Grey, famously Queen of England for nine glorious days in 1553, before meeting her less glorious end when she was beheaded at the Tower of London. The declaration in favor of King Charles III this past week does cast significant doubt on Lady Peacock’s chances of striding down the center aisle of Westminster Abby to claim the Orb and Sceptre, or even claiming a glass of champagne and standing next to Princess Anne at any of the royal transition events.
Those of us in Lady Peacock’s inner circle have contacted Buckingham Palace on her behalf, asking where she now stands in the line of succession. They promised to get back to us as soon as possible, but as you can imagine, many such enquiries have been received and it takes time to, as the British say, “sort” them. Part of the problem, from Lady Peacock’s perspective, is that the Windsors, going back more than a century, have been remarkably successful in producing progeny, while Lady Peacock’s line, as is said in the theatre, “has left the stage.” In fact, there’s been little contact with the Yorkists, and even less from the Woodvilles since, well, the Wars of the Roses were concluded. There is no doubt in my mind, though, that had Lady Peacock been around that time, she’d have been right in the “thick-of-things”. Several years ago, when Lady P’s lineage was uncovered, we petitioned the Queen to elevate her cousin, installing her as the Duchess of Cadbury, in recognition of her deep devotion both to Britain and to chocolate. That request, sadly, was not acknowledged. More than likely, the paperwork was lost in the day-to-day governance of the realm.
Some years ago, a royal standard was developed for Lady Peacock. It was sent to the College of Heraldry, but so far, no response has been received, nor to our knowledge has it been registered. Again, possibly those documents were caught up in the sheer volume of applications. This, however, is what it would look like were it floating gently on the breezes over Teale Cottage. “A background of dark teal so that the images “pop”. In bold, the legend, RUNNICUS LATUS (from the Latin, “I’m Running Late”). The Starbucks logo, in white to signify both her great love of lattes and her connection to the White Queen, should be displayed prominently in an upper quadrant, along with a dollop of whipped cream. Opposite should be a raspberry, her favorite fruit, emblazoned with chocolate, her second favorite fruit, with a headless tiger here and there in recognition of her Woodville lineage.” So much of true monarchy is the maintenance of traditions, as we’ve seen of late. The hope is that, at some point, Teale Cottage will be designated as an official royal residence, allowing for Beefeaters to be stationed on the front porch and a tasteful glass frame out front where Lady Peacock’s daily events and announcements may be posted. There will be a space installed where locals may lay bouquets of flowers, in honor of their distinguished resident.
This brings us to the issue of royal residences. Lady Peacock does not have an official place in the United Kingdom, although she does keep a list of favored hotels and tearooms. Now that King Charles has come into possession of Sandringham, Balmoral, and Windsor Castle and so many others along with Buckingham Palace, it might be an appropriate time to designate one or two lesser properties to Lady Peacock. Of course, we know that the immediate family will want to retain Kensington, St. James, and Clarence House for their personal use. We’re not sure yet if Frogmore Cottage, recently refurbished by Harry and Meghan is available either. There must be something, though, that isn’t currently occupied. Perhaps Mosquitomere-On-Avon, or an elegant suite within sight of Hampton Court. Lady Peacock is known for her brisk walkabouts (or as she calls them, “rambles” ) in the country, munching scones (pronounced “skuns”) and connecting with nature. There might be some falling-down manor house out on the Moors that she could restore to former elegance and glory. Or, in a nod to history, perhaps Crosby Hall, in Chelsea, which was a residence of her late ancestor, King Richard III until his untimely demise. It’s been moved and expanded over the years, and is now a private residence. Perhaps a bit of the Great Hall could be designated and renovated for her private use. We’re told that she owns a plot of land in Devonshire, though at approximately a square foot, it’s not quite big enough for the construction of a suitable residence.
So, the waiting goes on. If expectations and experience are anything to go by, we’ll receive notification of her place in line that reads something like this:
“To Lady Peacock, currently of Teale Cottage, Amherst, your request for placement in the Line of Succession to the Throne of the United Kingdom has been reviewed, and not without some degree of skepticism and endless amusement. As you might know, the Woodville line is far behind the Houses of Tudor, Stuart, and Hanover, and even a smattering of Mountbattens and Saxe-Cobergs. While the actual number, and your place in it cannot be ascertained at this time, a rough estimate is that your claim falls somewhere in between those of Humphrey Sniddlington-Frogham, Head Gardener at Highgrove House, and “Buttons”, Her Majesty’s second favorite Corgi. On the plus side, you come in ahead of several chambermaids at Windsor Castle and two race horses in the Royal Stables. Further, we regret to inform you that protocol will not allow us to grant permission for you to fly the Royal Standard over Teale Cottage or to Troop the Colours on Peacock Brook Lane.”
So, there you have it. Lady Peacock, the Off-White Queen, erstwhile Duchess of Cadbury, First Lady of the Dairy, and Protector of the Fields of Lavender, will must again be denied the status and privilege conveyed by a solid connection to the royal family. For the foreseeable future, she will not stand on the balcony at Buckingham Palace, extending her royal wave or taking copious photos with the King and Camilla, Queen Consort. She will not summer in the Highlands, nor Christmas at Sandringham. Another lost opportunity for Hands-Across-the-Sea with the Colonies. She will, of course, accept this latest situation with her usual dignity and devotion to all things British intact.
I'm Thinking...No! 