Month: December 2022

For all who read Dave Barry’s year-end summaries of events, along with his valuable insights into the major influences here and around the world, I’d like to offer some New Year’s resolutions going forward that will make us all feel better.  I know they will make me feel better.   

Former President Donald Trump sent out a message on his new social media platform that he would like to file amended tax returns since 1997, and that in review, he owes the IRS $874.2 million.  He’ll be sending a check as soon as he gets back to Trump Tower, where he keeps his checkbook.

The National Rifle Association has indicated that, as an organization, it isn’t having good feelings about assault weapons.  Therefore, it will direct members of Congress under its purview to look into and develop legislation banning any weapons not strictly used for deer hunting and other sport.  It plans to reinstate its programs promoting hunter safety in every state.

Elon Musk will stop carrying sinks in public, and has announced that he intends to reinstate every employee of Twitter, no matter how inconsequential, content-oriented, or critical of him.  In keeping with his recent survey, he’ll step down from his running and management of Twitter.

A consortium of major oil companies and energy producers announced that they will work together on a package of user-friendly initiatives.  First, they will be fast-tracking fusion energy research in a concerted effort to reduce consumers’ reliance on fossil fuels.  In the meantime, they plan to cap the price of gasoline at $2 per gallon, even if it means cutting profits, and will sharply reduce oil exploration globally.  OPEC issued a memorandum of support.

Will Smith has indicated on social media that he will refrain from slapping, punching, or kicking anyone at any public, nationally televised event, particularly any in which he’s nominated for an award.

Governor Rick DeSantis has deeply apologized to residents of Florida for using their money to fly immigrants from Texas to Massachusetts and other places, and has indicated that he will reimburse the state from his personal political war chest.  He has stated that he’ll be working with Texas Governor Abbott to humanely relocate those coming into this country without documentation, and help them speed up the process of legal residency.

Five major airlines have announced that they are sick and tired of airplane violence and surly passenger behavior.  Therefore, they will be refitting their airplanes, making all seats first class – wide, spacious, and comfortable.  They will hire additional staff to ensure full flight departures, and are exploring the restoration of meals and drinks at no additional cost.

The British Royal Family, through a spokesperson at Buckingham Palace, announced today that there will be an end to hostilities within the family.  There will be no further interviews with Oprah Winfrey, no television mini-series, and no unflattering biographies.  All phone calls from Prince Harry and his family will be monitored by agents from MI6. In a parallel announcement, Prince Andrew has been sent to live on the Isle of Skye in Northwest Scotland.

Also from the UK, the recent turnover of Prime Ministers will alter the selection process in an effort to speed things up.  A large jar of milk duds will be placed outside the Houses of Parliament.  The member of the majority party that can come closest to guessing the number of duds will become party leader and Prime Minister.

This thought proposed by the recent surprise visit of President Zelenskyy to Washington.  All citizens of Ukraine will be evacuated to Mississippi, Alabama, and Louisiana, which will be renamed “New Southern Ukraine”.  Ben and Erin Napier, from HGTV, are already working to rebuild and furnish approximately 30 million homes for the incoming Ukrainians and their families. At least 5 million homes will appear on upcoming episodes of “Home Town”, in an effort to help the newly arrived to fit in and feel welcome.  Property values in the two states are expected to rise significantly in the new year.

 FTX announced today that it is abandoning its business model first created by the late Charles Ponzi, and that it is placing all of its (remaining) assets on the gold standard. The CFO has indicated that all losses, business or personal, will be reimbursed in full by March 1^st.

Finally, this economic note.  The recession, expected later this spring, has been cancelled by President Biden, in consultation with the Federal Reserve Board.  It seems the polling numbers just weren’t there and it wasn’t “gaining much popular traction” with the American people.

Wishing you all a pleasant 2023. 

And we’re back.  We’re here on a bright and crisp Tuesday, just six days before Christmas and all through the house – well, the clattering of cookie sheets, the buzz of the mixer.  All the sounds of the holidays. I’m bringing you the essential elements of the cookie-baking event.  It’s as if you are right here, watching the excitement from your homes.  The list of possibilities has been pared down to only the six top vote-getters from previous years. We have a new entry this year, because I could only find peppermint Hershey kisses, which we didn’t think would pair well with peanut.  So, it’s a peppermint / chocolate combo.   Her Ladyship is perched in her designated seat of command at the dining room table, recipe books at the ready. She’s issuing instructions to the kitchen, where Princess Elizabeth has prepped the cookie sheets, uncovered the mixer, brought out every conceivable utensil, unleashed the waxed paper and parchment.  (Why do we have parchment?  Wasn’t that something that medieval popes used to jot down their thoughts?). Anyway, the day is simmering with promise.  

Continue reading “Great Cookie Bake 2022 – An Update”

This is actually a “regifting” as much is drawn from a couple of years ago, but I’ve had so many requests to repost (one or two), that here it is again, with a few strategic updates and edits.

Continue reading “Surprise Christmas Presents”

In previous writings, I’ve outlined some serious issues concerning Christmas Decorations, and, as folks have largely ignored my thoughts, I’m going to present here a legislative agenda regarding the deployment of said decorations.  It’s high time we began to use some discretion when it comes to lights, animated bits of frivolity, blow-up statuary, etc., etc.  This has all come about because, on my way to my weekly medical treatments, I noticed that some people have been, shall we say, busy little “decorating” beavers.  I plan to send this to my congressional delegation in the hope that some meaningful government action can be implemented to curb the tasteless, the gaudy, and the unnecessarily “bright” holiday décor.

Continue reading “Outside Christmas Decorations – Some Guidelines”