Her Ladyship and I have, in recent years – well really since the Princess went off to college, taken to having dinner in front of the television each evening. We keep a regular schedule, as do many households. I know, it’s not what we should be doing, but it’s a comfortable routine. And because we are the ultimate creatures of habit, this happens right at about 6 PM, when the local news comes on, followed by the national news. As I’ve always had, shall we say, delicate sensibilities, I’d like to propose that the news stations use a degree of discretion, understanding what’s going on in our house while we’re viewing.
There’s been a recent series of features on the infestation of rodents in parts of downtown Boston. In fact, the city is looking into hiring a “Rat Czar”, someone whose job it will be to oversee the control and extermination of these furry creatures. Now, I’d be quite content to have the anchors simply tell us about the problem. But, no. Film clips are the way to go, apparently, so we see video – lots and lots of video showing all nature of vermin climbing over and around bags of trash, surrounding dumpsters, and posing from all angles. Is that something I need to see while consuming meatloaf? No, of course it’s not. And it certainly isn’t something we need to see on an ongoing basis. “Watch our twelve-part series on the rat problem in the city” is not something I ever need to see or hear. Once in enough. Point made. If you’ve seen one rat, you’ve seen them all – there’s a family resemblance. Wild turkeys chasing residents of Alston down the street is funny, but again, don’t overdo. In fact, while I’m on this, I’d recommend a moratorium on wild animal features, including clips between the hours of 6 and 7 PM. If it’s that urgent a news item, you can break into “Wheel of Fortune” to warn us. Otherwise, let it go.
Any time a segment is preceded by, “We warn you – the following is disturbing”, it should also include “and if you’re eating dinner, you should change the channel to HGTV for a few minutes and see what Ben and Erin are up to”. I think it’s the least that Nora O’Donnell can do. Here is just a partial list of those things that can be omitted, in addition to the above-mentioned rodent segments:
Bombs going off and buildings burning. Yes, I know – for many, that’s entertainment. Lately, too, if they can show displaced residents in rags or bodies strewn about, all the better. When exactly, did we become so fascinated with death and destruction? Yes, I know what you’re thinking – it’s the news! Lately, it’s been the warring generals in Africa, which does take the pressure off the Russians bogged down in Ukraine to provide graphic videos. But, still.
Right up there with bombings are rioting in the streets. People waving flags and experiencing the pleasures of tear gas, or if it’s a third world country and they can’t afford tear gas, the riot police are using hoses. It upsets me that, here at home, we’re in a dry spell and I can’t water my plants, but they’re wasting thousands, nay millions of gallons of water. Come on, people. Stop rioting and plant gardens.
Also, this time of year, there’s lots and lots of flooding. The Mississippi River is having another hundred-year overflow for first time since, well, last year. I can tolerate seeing mudslides, rivers overflowing their banks. What I don’t need to see is sewage backing up into the basement. People shoveling mud out of their living rooms. Sludge coating walls, floors, and furniture. I’ll take the homeowner’s word that the damage is significant, and that there are two feet of water and other undesirables in the basement. And, I don’t want to see pets scrambling for high ground and people sitting on the roof. All saddening, all tragic, and way too visual. We know these fine folks will go right back and rebuild in the same place, and they’ll be back in a news next year, sobbing over a waterlogged couch, and crying, “and we just rebuilt”.
I’d like to move on next to the commercials aired during this time slot. And, yes, I get the demographic involved. An older crowd. The first of these, and it’s regularly shown more than once, is advertising for a condition for men showing a sharply curved vegetable, and going by the initials, PD. Yes, didn’t we all think that meant “police department”? Not so. These are followed by ads for erectile dysfunction. Way, way too much information, particularly on the nights that hot dogs or sausage have just come off the grill. Maybe it’s just me, but is there an epidemic of, shall we say, “men having performance problems”? Perhaps Donald Trump could make that a major campaign issue. He never seems to have had that problem. And, if I may, does anyone else see the irony here? Women have to cross state lines to get reproductive health care, thanks to the courts and Victorian state legislatures, but we’re placing a lot of focus and advertising on “straightening men out” and getting them to “perform better in the bedroom than they have in years.” Maybe that’s part of the problem?
We also need to move on to medications, particularly those linked to skin diseases. I may be echoing a theme, but I don’t want to see them while I’m eating hash browns. Yes, we know they’re out there, but like the details of Harry and Meghan’s differences with the Royal Family or Camilla’s new hat, keep them discretely under wraps and off the nightly news. Any ads that say, “talk to your doctor”, please do, and don’t share this info with me. And take it off the television screen. I should mention too that the vast majority of these commercials are aimed at older people. They’re painful reminders that, as my late aunt used to say, “aging isn’t for sissies.” So, as we’re seeing issues with bladder control and incontinence, or dentures and hair loss, please don’t remind me. I don’t care how snugly they fit, how comfortable they are, and don’t leave lines. I also don’t want to see seniors climbing into a walk-in bath. Great for them, but I don’t need to see it, or them taking off their robes. Thank goodness those ads for seniors sprawled on the floor, calling out, “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” aren’t airing much any more.
Finally, this note. In case the pandemic returns and we need once again to have mass vaccinations, it is NOT NECESSARY to show people being injected every night, along with the updates. We all know what a vaccination looks like, and honestly, while some of the “injectors” are kind, gentle, and experienced, others look like they trained on spears and are former jousters. That’s not something we want to see over and over and over, and not just at dinner time.
So, let’s summarize here. During the dinner hour, we want to see tastefully edited news clips designed to protect us from, well, ourselves and anything mildly revolting. Nothing animal pest related, no graphic disasters, nothing that has the potential to spoil my appetite. If it’s a flood, show a soothing waterfall. If it’s a skin condition, show us a happy family at a Disney resort eating barbeque or on a gentle ride in the Magic Kingdom. If it’s a basement cleanout, don’t show some giddy person dancing around and pointing. And if it’s a lawsuit or indictments, just use a file photo of the Trump family or Rudy.
I'm Thinking...No! 