It’s been several years since I gave my faithful readers an update on House Hunters, that intriguing series with folks looking to relocate and purchase a home. For the uninformed, these people are shown three options, one of which they’ll buy because, well, in full disclosure, they’d already bought it before the show was filmed. Here are several more quirks to the House Hunters update, in the interests once again of keeping our readers up-to-date. Some of these are just getting more and more, shall we say, eccentric?
On an episode last night, and I will admit that we came in late so I’m not sure of the locale, but it involved a young, interesting couple looking for, in her words, a “doll house”. Yes, I know what you’re thinking. That’s what I thought too. House number one was a tiny bungalow, painted in a bright pink. Again, I know, right? Talk about curb appeal. Had they purchased this option, the neighbors were desperately hoping that the new occupants would do something sensible about the outside, and they’d have been sorely disappointed. The colors inside were no better – pinks, reds, purples. To call it “garish” is an understatement. They didn’t buy this house, because it was too small, and there was nothing suitable for her “doll room”. Again, I’m not making this up. She needed a space for her extensive Barbie collection. The husband, an innocuous looking young man, lacked neither the good sense nor the stamina to tell her, no. In the final scene, they’re repainting the kitchen a rather outlandish bright red, and giving the real estate agent and “thank you” gift of a Barbie. She accepted it with good grace, although she looked a bit on the quirky side too. One has to ask one’s self, a) where do they find these people, and b) why are they on television? Who makes these decisions?
In the following episode, a young couple in the Philadelphia area was searching for a new home. She was the methodical one, while he admitted to being a bit “impulsive”. True to form, after each visit, he was ready to write a check while she recommended taking a little time for some deliberation. His one “must have” was a large wall space suitable for a horse-racing mural, like the one his father had. The back-and-forth was rather funny, because she told him his tastes gravitated toward “steak house” décor, and she wasn’t wrong. When they finally purchased a home, they were bringing Dad through to see it. He gave approval, and commented that one wall on the lower level was “perfect for a mural”. Oh, dear. That gene pool needs some chlorine.
Our international contestants are keeping up with the quirkiness. There are bright young couples that want to experience a cultural experience abroad to the fullest, so they’ve sold everything and given up any semblance of earned income for the freedom to explore. Often, a family with a small child or two complaining about the intense pressure of their jobs need “a more relaxed lifestyle”. Or my favorite expression, a better “work/life balance”. Read into that, they’re lazy. That’s what retirement is for, you . . . . . . It came out later that they’d held their “high pressure” jobs for all of eight years. Wow, you talk about stamina. The rest of us in the workforce for decades were eating bonbons and taking naps. So, they need a place to “kick back” and sip a glass of wine. I’d really like to go on the show and slap these people. We see our young adventurers, in their hunt for suitable habitation are in a large metropolitan area, visiting pubs, shopping in colorful markets (where we assume the farmer selling vegetables in Croatia speaks English), and otherwise immersing themselves in the native flavors. The hunt for an apartment is stifled by the two large dogs. They insist on bringing the dogs with them because, as one person explained, “they’re our children”, and we know those adorable puppies will be perfect for the antique parquet floors and green space the size of a placemat that come with a studio in a congested city center. A “must have” is a bath tub so they can wash the dogs. There aren’t more than a half dozen apartments in Copenhagen with tubs, the agent patiently explains for the hundredth time, but these two want to “keep looking”. Ideally, they’d like a guest room for all the friends and relatives that will be visiting them, but they also have a small budget for rent so they can travel. They also plan to entertain a great deal in their 240 square feet where they know nobody, but they’ll be learning the language in next few weeks. In what has become one of the most memorable episodes yet and definitely touches the lower edges of the sanity scale, a couple was moving from a large American city to Southeast Asia for a true -ife experience, an “adventure” as he referred to it. He had recently survived a severe health crisis – a debilitating chronic condition, so of course a third world country where medical care is administered under a tent is just the thing. They were looking for accommodations by the beach so he could surf and swim, and found something in their price range, about fifty bucks a month.
In an episode last night, the house hunter was fixated on the kitchen hardware. I know, right? One kitchen had shiny knobs and pulls, and that just wouldn’t work for her. She needed brushed finish. The real estate agent patiently explained that would be a low-cost change, but no matter. Why is it that these potential customers are so obsessive about specific elements of the house – paint color, the bathroom fixtures. Some want close proximity to their children’s bedrooms, which I understand, while others want to be as far away from the kiddies as possible. Once recently wanted a spot to launch her boat, but was nervous about alligators. She was looking in Florida, and the agent told her that every body of water in Florida had alligators. I could have told her that, because we saw them everywhere on a boat tour we took a few years ago. Unless you have fencing, they’ll be visiting you for morning coffee on the patio.
So, my faithful readers, the crazy goes on in the world of home searches. They all know what they want, and sadly, the previous owners aren’t able to provide it. They want “character” right along with “sleek and modern”. Some need to be practically on top of their parents. Really? Any commute more that 15 minutes is extremely daunting. Again, really? They’ve watched enough shows to sprinkle in terms they don’t fully understand, like “craftsman”. They don’t want anything “cookie cutter”, although they’re looking in suburban developments. In fact, they want the perfect house to just fall into their laps, and they deemed unacceptable ten minutes ago turns into the “best fit for us.” Should some of these folks be even buying a house? Often, I’m thinking . . . . . no.
I'm Thinking...No! 