Some time ago, I wrote about the “Black Friday” phenomenon. Yes, it started as a shopping binge the day after Thanksgiving. People would be up all night, waiting for stores to open at ungodly hours. Then, in a manner not unlike a scene from the French Revolution, they’d enter the store or the mall. It was literally a frenzy. Later, when the internet was in place, to extend the joy of buying, and home delivery was catching on and Amazon thrust itself forward to fill that void, the marketing wizards invented “Cyber Monday.” Great deals, but online so anyone didn’t like to interact with other shoppers didn’t have to. Our purchases would be delivered right to our front door, where delivery people would snap a picture and send it to us before roaming bands of “porch thieves” would snatch them and run, trying valiantly to evade security cameras. Yes, here we are again, at that truly magical time of year, guilted into shopping, planning, making lists, running out of money, etc. etc.
From about the first of November, television ads began appearing under the banner of “Black Friday”. Of course, the big box stores started it all. Home Depot and Walmart set up their Christmas tree displays in October, meaning that Starbucks wouldn’t be far behind with peppermint mochas. Yes, the stage was set. Then it was car manufacturers and furniture stores, advertising with a “why wait?” message. It became a free-for-all. Families in matching Christmas pajamas. Santa getting caught in the chimney. Even the folks making car mats have replaced the ninjas with elves. It’s all too much. And, by the way, I know that car dealers need to move out the old stock, but does anyone really buy a car with a big red bow on it? I’m thinking. . . . . no.
The house is filling up with new arrivals, and in a yearly tradition, and before long, will look like storage from corporate distributor. (You know, the ones behind closed doors, where, from time to time, some exhausted employee wheels out a loaded flatbed to restock.) I don’t really like to reuse material, but sometimes events just overcome the need for originality. Just so you’ll know, I’m adding bits and pieces along the way to make everything appear fresh and glowing. I figure that some of the great authors and composers reused material, causing us to have a “wait . . where have I heard that before” moment, then I too can do it without causing offense. I like to think of it as “sharing the joy once again”, like rereading “T’was the Night Before Christmas”. Which reminds me, this may be the year to restock bows, along with wrapping and tissue paper. We’re on a cycle. Last year, I suggested that, as the Great British Baking Show has spread so rapidly and gained such popularity, maybe it’s time now for the Great American Wrapping Show. Twelve contestants would be selected, at random, to compete in a series of wrapping and decorating challenges, confronted with all manner of shapes and sizes of presents. There could be “bicycle challenge”, or “naked slippers” as the technical wraps, then showstoppers of items like cordless vacuum cleaners or leaf blowers. Contestants may fashion their own decorative embellishments, and anyone caught sneaking bags of bows under the tent flaps is immediately sent home. Hillary, the Property Brothers, or Ben and Erin from “Home Town” could be the judges, the Paul and Pru of decorative gift wrapping. Or “Christina on the Coast” could become “Christina in a Pile of Paper”. They could migrate from table to table, asking the contestants why they chose the paper, the ribbon colors the decorative accents. The contestants would then explain with a smile, why the elf paper was a family tradition, and Ben would respond with a really bad joke. Erin would roll her eyes. (I may send this blog to executives at HGTV. There could be royalties involved.)
The true “Black Friday” should rightfully begin after the last forkful of stuffing has been consumed on Thanksgiving Day. I know – does anyone actually push away from the table and head to the mall? Opening at a reasonable hour on Friday morning isn’t enough, and hasn’t been for some time, because vigilant shoppers do their best work between midnight and 2 AM. They’ve done the research, they’ve compared prices, and they’re already on the preparatory starting line. I’ve even heard that some go to the extent of mapping out the stores they intend to ransack, checking the aisles, and they have a floor plan, an organizational strategy. Not unlike the Amazing Race. These are people that, like the ones in block-long lines to buy the new model iPhone or see the new Star Wars movie, should be tested for CDO, which is OCD but with the letters in the right order.
Her Ladyship, always in the running for the Christmas Shopping Hall of Fame, has successfully made the transition from store to internet. Often another banner day – three packages on the front porch and one at the back. And that’s just what she ordered last weekend. Some of her retirement money goes into what I call her “Swiss Bank Account.” She uses that for most of her Christmas shopping, and I’m frequently asked, “Look at this. Wouldn’t this look great on . . . . .”
Back to my original premise – Holiday shopping. My daughter told us that a good friend and her mother go out shopping on Black Friday. Her mother loves to see all the people, the lights, the excitement. OK, then. Couple that with the pushing and shoving, three people grappling over the last of the trending kitchen appliances, the long lines in the stores, or the folks that choose that shopping moment to open a new store credit card account because they’ll save an additional 10% on their $22 purchase. Yep, that $2.20 is worth holding up the line while the cashier’s fingers fly over the keyboard and the dreaded user name and password combo is painstakingly selected. I’m surprised that these folks aren’t hunted down by those behind them in line and beaten senseless behind the nearest Christmas tree display. There are the classic shopping stories as well. Here’s one of my favorites, and if you’ve heard it before, just skip this part. My birthday is in early December, so on a Black Friday many years ago (or possibly Black Saturday – it was definitely one of those black days) off went Herself and the Daughter, who was maybe 10 or 11 at the time, to buy my gift, a beautiful suede overcoat, which I still have. Herself had an additional quick stop to make, so she left the Princess with the coat, in its garment bag on a bench outside. A photographer from the local newspaper came along, taking random pictures of shoppers, and asked if he could take her picture, to which the Daughter wisely responded that he’s have to wait until her mother returned. Back came Herself, and the picture was taken, after which my wife explained that the coat was a surprise birthday gift for the following week. The photographer assured her that it wouldn’t be in the paper, to which we coincidentally subscribed, for at least a week or two. True to form, there was the picture on the front page of that Sunday’s paper, my wife holding up the coat bag with the store’s name emblazoned across picture. The element of surprise gone, I got the coat early, but not without a fair amount of fuming and grumbling.
As you’re reading this, we’re well into “Black Friday Month”. Many of the retailers, judging by their holiday sale notices, are adjusting their savings, the “newness” of the event, like pumpkin spice coffee, having worn off. I guess it’s their way of pointing the finger of reproof at those of us that haven’t been doing their bit for retail sales. So, here’s the plan. After the “official” Black Friday, we’re down to “Charcoal Gray Weekend”, “Mocha Monday”, “Dark Teal Tuesday”, “Maroon Wednesday”, all the way down to “Off-white Weekend”, the first in December, when everything is 5% off and your credit report is actually checked for that new credit card. But you can save a bit on wrapping paper, gift boxes, and bows, according to Drew and Jonathan.
Happy shopping, everyone!
I'm Thinking...No! 