We all have ideas about decorating for the holidays, both inside and out. Some folks are minimalists. They favor a few touches here and there. Others go in for the lavish displays, making their homes look like Versailles if it were Christmas-themed. No spot left un-hollied, un-ivyed, untinseled, un-mistletoed. More candles and statuary than the Sistine Chapel.
Outdoor decorating is a balance. Enough to say, “the holidays are here”. Too much says “the drive-up window is around the corner”, or possibly inhabitants of the Space Station informing Houston that they can see your house. Every year, the paper features incredible lighting displays. They tell how to find them, and when to go because the owners can only afford to keep the lights on from 5:00 – 5:15 each day. There was a house in our neighboring community that did a huge display. People literally lined up all the way down the street to see it. I know this because we were part of that parade one year.
Growing up, my parents were “candle-in-the-window” people. That was it. We lived in a big old colonial on a sparsely inhabited country road, outside a small village. I guess it looked very nice for the three or four cars that went up the hill each day. My wife’s parents had a small, glassed in front porch on which my father-in-law installed a row of festive window candles. He made the unfortunate choice to put red bulbs in the candles. We gave him quite a time over the years for his “red light district”.
When my daughter was little, she desperately wanted to have lights strung on a fir tree in the front yard. She’d express this desire every year without fail. As the tree was about thirty feet tall, making it a bit impractical to decorate without renting a firetruck. We compromised by my putting a small, elegant string of lights on the lilac bush next to the house. I thought I’d draped them artfully over the bush, and it was quite striking from the road. But apparently not. This is still referred to in our house each and every year with derision as the “clump of lights on the lilacs” incident, and was the last time I did much of anything with outside lights.
There seems to be a proliferation of inflatable decorations. I was driving through town the other day and saw, well, just about every imaginable Christmas image covering a front yard. Those people must be getting them wholesale, or are sales agents for a zeppelin manufacturer. The down side of having all of these is that, with gusty winds predicted, one either has to let them go, sailing off into the sunset, or go about deflating them all. I’ve seen that too – a lawn full of deflated objects, giving the appearance of someone having dumped their trash. Not a good look. Then, at some point, one must run out with an air pump and inflate them all again. Not really the way I’d want to spend Christmas.
Indoor decorating is another matter entirely. We, as I suspect most do, went from apartments to a small house, to a larger house, to a condo. Our living accommodations are not unlike a mountain climb. Up and down. Sadly, the “down” comes as we’ve accumulated the most decorations. Here in our condo, we have the immediate “treasures” – those that we use every year. The less favored are stored in boxes in the closet, sometimes used, sometimes not. Most of what we put out pre-condo is in more boxes in the basement. Truth be told, we have enough ornaments for four or five standard-sized trees. Her Ladyship and I, both having had careers in schools, found that gifts from students were most often tree ornaments, followed by coffee cups. So, yes, we could hold a koffee klatch in a fully decorated forest.
There are two schools of thought when doing interior décor for the holidays. The first is that everything has its place, its ideal spot, and therefore, each year looks essentially the same. New acquisitions will need to find their perfect spot, and there they shall stay forever. The other is that Christmas is a time for experimentation. A time to try new things, pa rum pum pum pum. What was on the mantel last year is on the entertainment center this year. Piano top up or down? Where to put the nativity? How much holly to cut, and where to put it? Important decisions. I’m of the second school. I move things around. Her Ladyship has become quite flexible, as long as everything she likes to see is out and visible. So, off we go. Not too much, though, because, at some point, we’ll have to pack it all away again. Our friend Deborah collects nativity scenes. She collects a variety of items, but this is one of her larger collections. I believe she mentioned that she’s got over 75 sets. She has a crew of elves working around the clock to handle set-up. This year, the Princess is home to help, but for many years, I was on my own with the getting out and putting away. The thing about inside decorating is that, just when you think everything looks great, you open another box and come across a couple more items that really need be displayed too. So, you find a spot for them, and before you know it, there you have it. Holiday clutter. A step too far. But they’re treasures so you can’t put them back. Maybe separating them a bit will help. Until you find yourself peeking at things on the back porch, where it’s too cold to actually sit and admire them. When it comes to holiday decorating, we won’t agree, but I still say, less is more.
Some people actually decorate their cars. There was a feature on the news the other night about a fellow that had strings and strings of lights on his car. He said that people really enjoyed it, until the police pulled him over and told him to either remove the lights or leave the car at home. It was a nuisance distraction and would cause accidents. My neighbor used to decorate her car with antlers and a nose in front, and a tail out the back. I say, if you really want that effect, lease a reindeer for the holidays, because on a car, it all just looks silly. And those big, red bows on new cars in the ads for the season? Really, does anyone other than Jeff Bezos really give new cars as Christmas gifts?
And finally, to those people that like to decorate their pets for Christmas, I have to say, JUST STOP! It’s a dog, not a reindeer. A beagle with antlers is demeaning. A cat with elf ears is ridiculous. Animals don’t deserve ugly sweaters any more than humans. Actually, less than humans. If you think your pet looks adorable all dressed up for the holidays, you need serious therapy. Not just a therapist, a team of them along with a support group. It’s not a sign of affection, and worse, allows complete strangers to seriously question your state of mind.
So, as I “wrap up” these holiday suggestions, I beseech you all to remember that the holidays can be joyful and rewarding without the visual excess. The blurring overload. And, particularly, the truly tacky and offensive. Unless you’re Clark Griswold, exercise restraint. If need be, call in someone you trust and ask them, “What do you think? Too much?” If they groan and fall to the floor, then the answer is a solid “yes”. If passers-by point and giggle, again, “probably”. If people driving by go up over the curb, run into a tree, or knock down a fence, again, “most likely”.
Have a wonderful, joyful, and tasteful Holiday season, everyone.
I'm Thinking...No! 