New Englanders are no doubt throwing themselves into the Olympic Games, in an effort to block out the debacle in Santa Clara. We’re watching another series of spectacular events – another season of excitement and wonder. Something that brings us together as we see athletes from all over the world hugging and congratulating each other, excitement abounds, and we might just get an answer to the age-old question, “What is the national anthem of Estonia?”
First and foremost, Bravo Milano!! The opening ceremonies were, and I say this in all seriousness, awe-inspiring. As a musician, of course, I was delighted to see Rossini, Verdi, and Puccini, all whose music has been an integral part of Milan at La Scala for more than a century. Italy’s rich cultural and artistic treasures were beautifully showcased, so again, well done to the planners and the performers.
We were watching an event this morning called “freestyle” skiing. Where this came from, I don’t know. My guess is perhaps that snowboarders, skateboarders, and rollerbladers got together and came up with it. Someone thought that if skiers could go forward, why not backward? The skis are turned up at both ends, and the “slope” has a series of jumps and rails that the skiers balance on as they work their way down. Skiing used to be “downhill”, then “slalom”, the “giant slalom” because the regular one wasn’t long enough, or tall enough, or however one measures it, with all those little stakes added, then lumps of snow called “moguls”, and of course the ski jumps, where skiers would sail into space and hope to land in with most of their bone structure intact. I truly marvel at the inventiveness, daring, and might I say, absolute foolhardiness of the athletes that perform these feats. I know I’d need a clean set of spandex after every run, and none of them should be white.
With that risk-taking in mind, let’s consider the luge. Evolving, I’m told, from the bobsled, the best part of which was watching the bobsledders sliding back and forth and then running like mad to get it going. There is at least a bit of protection should the sledders skid out of control, but the luge is just an open sled. Lugers lie on their backs, clad only in spandex and a helmet, and slide down an icy track with guardrails to prevent them from ending up in another country. It seems that the angle of their feet has something to do with speed and direction. I don’t know this for sure, but that seems to be what the commentators mention. Comedian Jerry Seinfeld said he’d like to see the “involuntary luge”, where someone in the crowd would be wrapped in spandex, and with a sound-proof helmet so we couldn’t hear their screams, put onto this “sled” and shoved down the mountain. I guess, with acceptance of one’s fate could possibly come a medal. My event could be the “stationary” luge, where competitors are placed on the sled on a flat surface so it won’t go anywhere. Victory would be judged by how long one could remain without moving. Points could be deducted for movement, like stretching arms and legs, and so forth. This, if scheduled during my regular nap times, could be a new sensation. Afterward, I could go wherever the games are being held as an expert commentator. “Did you see that? His foot twitched: the judges should deduct two-tenths of a point.” Next in the development of great sledding on an icy track came the “skeleton”, a version in which the participants run to build up speed and then hurl themselves head-first onto the sled. Once again, I question the wisdom of using one’s head to cushion the loss of control, but that’s just me. Speed skating is another of those really exciting sports where disaster looms at every turn. It is, I guess, deceptively graceful and flowing, until a skater swings a little too wide, or a skate turns on its side just a little too much and, whoopsie. Every event has its dangers, of course, and some more than others, particularly where success and medals are measured in cajillions of a second.
Curling is a game that, like cricket, is a mystery to almost anyone that hasn’t played it. As far as I can gather, a round piece of granite called a “stone”, with a handle on the top is slid toward a target area called a “house”. In the center is the “button”, which a desirable location for the team’s stone to end up. Rather like lawn bowling, except it goes back and forth. While the stone is in motion, there are people with little brooms “sweeping” the surface of the ice, which I guess guides the stone’s direction. The game came from medieval Scotland. I’m speculating here, but I guess that winters got very long in medieval Scotland.
Ice skating has taken on a dramatic turn this year. A young American skater has perfected the quadruple axel, because the triple axel has been around for far too long. As we all know, the axel is a leap into the air while twirling around three, or now four, rotations. The aim is to leap, twirl, and land in a graceful, sweeping motion while the skater glides on. Occasionally, the skater lands with something amiss, where they use their rear ends as landing gear. Or, if the landing really gets away from them, they do a horizontal version of the “skeleton” (see above). There is another jump/twirl called the “lutz”, named after Austrian skater Alois Lutz. I have no idea what the difference is between an axel and a lutz, but I’m told that they’re both extremely difficult, particularly as one does more of them at a time.
The top three in each event are considered “medalists”, so I feel just a twinge for numbers four and five. They’ve been training for years and get nothing to show for it. In today’s world, platinum has replaced gold as the highest standard. We can’t, of course, move platinum to number one and demote gold. That would seriously demean all previous and historical “gold medalists”. But, after gold, silver, and bronze, we might add a couple more, in the interests of inclusivity. For example, we could award number four with the a “titanium” medal – it’s strong and lightweight, like its namesake athletes. Number five might get a “copper” medal. Not the prestige of the first three or four, but still shiny and impressive. Bringing up the rear, Olympians might receive the “cast iron” medal, heavy and just a bit clunky as befitting their placement in the final scores.
Many competitive events have sideline awards, like “Miss Congeniality”. The Olympics could institute some awards that recognize sportsmanship, friendliness, tidiest room in the Olympic Village, perhaps even those that look best in their designated outfits – the olympic version of the evening gown competition. More people would take home awards, more athletes would leave the games with something to show their neighbors at home.
The Winter Olympics, as do the Summer Games, offer a rare opportunity to turn our attention from, well, everything else that’s happening. There are cheers and challenges, pride and prejudice, nationalism and universality, but as many say at the Oscars, “it’s an honor to be nominated.” For the athletes, it’s an honor to be selected for the team. It’s an honor to be competing with the world’s best, except the Russians and the Belarusians. They might have been better, but we’ll never know. There won’t be any bullying for prizes, no ICE abductions or protests – after all, without ice, we’d lose half of the winter events. So, cheers all around, particularly for our favorite athletes and teams, be it in Figure Skating, Snowboarding, Ice Dancing, Cross Country Skiing, Bobsledding, or Curling. We enjoy their participation, their successes, and their skills. And if I may say so, have you noticed that they’re all extraordinarily good looking? Think about it – have you ever seen a “plain” figure skater on the rink at the Olympics? No, they all look like movie stars or contestants on “Love Island”. Their achievements are, in all seriousness, noteworthy and impressive. The games have given us a couple of weeks of excitement, pride, and something to take our minds off the winter storms, tariffs, and the latest government shutdown.
Be well, my dear readers.
I'm Thinking...No! 