The most direct route by car from central New England to DC invariably take us through Connecticut. A picturesque, upscale, well-manicured state rich in history and culture. We can travel through New York, New Jersey, Maryland, and Pennsylvania without incident, but the traffic always seems to stall in Connecticut. In fact, on one fairly recent trip, clear sailing up along the coast until . . . yep, crossing the border into Danbury. Night paving in Waterbury, somebody clipping hedges in Willimantic, whatever the reason, it always takes longer to get through Connecticut.
It is expected that you’ll hit some congestion in city areas like Hartford. But somehow, for some inexplicable reason, traffic just slows to a crawl on rural, seemingly underpopulated stretches of highway. Everything is mysteriously bumper to bumper moving five miles an hour and then, off it goes again. No signs of an accident, no construction in evidence, although construction abounds in Connecticut – they take their roads very seriously, no apparent causes for the delay. I have a theory that rogue dump trucks suddenly appear, slow everything down for a few miles, then disappear into the mist. Flashing blue lights strategically set up on trees, perhaps? Maybe phantom DPW workers, the same ones that stand around drinking coffee and watching a backhoe during the work day, hold up large signs saying, “Random Speed Limit – !5 mph for next two miles” or “Let’s slow it down, people. You don’t want to get there on time.” In fairness to Connecticut, every road on the Eastern coast of the United States is “under construction” from early April until mid November. That’s a normal part of life because, and this is a little known fact, there are factories turning out “Construction Ahead” signs at an alarming rate from November to, well, March, and creating a huge supply. That means construction crews are obligated to use those signs and are frantically tearing up existing roads. Not even side roads are spared. This, in turn, drives a solid market for “Reduce Speed” and “Road Work Next Two Miles” signs. It’s an interlocking ecosystem.
While there are no written records, private journal entries, or conclusive evidence of this, I strongly suspect that the problem goes back to colonial times and before. Early folklore suggests that “Naugatuck” is Native American for “traffic snarled from New Haven to Bridgeport”. John Adams complained routinely about the three week trips back and forth to Philadelphia. More than likely, it took the first week to get through Connecticut. It’s not hard to envision his apologies to the Continental Congress – “the traffic was nose to tail. I should have gone directly to Mystic and hopped a fishing boat.” The Revolution may well have started in and around Boston but I’m guessing that Lord North and the Sons of Liberty didn’t know that Connecticut would be a bottleneck and would push back the start of hostilities to dates that rhymed and would sound better in history texts. “General Howe, you’d better order ships if you want to get the troops to New York in time for the Battle of Long Island. Route 95 is at a standstill and they’re putting down a fresh coat of dirt in Waterbury. We can drop the Hessians off in Trenton on the way and swing back”. The Colonial Army knew enough to take the Mass Turnpike to the New York Thruway because General Putnam had just activated his EZPASS.
Mark Twain and Harriet Beecher Stowe both lived in Hartford, right around the corner from each other. The conventional wisdom is that they settled there because they got a good deal on house insurance, but there could be an underlying reason – they couldn’t get out. Being trapped there left them lots of time to write. All either had to do was stand outside and sell their books to carriages crawling by. No wonder book sales were brisk. Mr. Twain made many a reference to the speed and efficiency of Congress, and his inspiration most likely was the traffic on the interstate. At the first chance, he took off for Europe, probably to inquire if Queen Victoria would consider proclaiming herself “Empress of Connecticut” and turning her immediate attention to the traffic situation.
The Connecticut of today is a virtual haven for tractor trailers. It is, or gives the appearance of being trailer truck friendly because those behemoths line the highways, rest stops, and the on-ramps everywhere, blocking views, changing lanes with joyful abandon (fewer and fewer now sport those “How’s my driving?” stickers, because we in cars would be tempted to phone in and tell them), and spewing diesel fumes. Nothing says “feel good” like truck fumes. In a side note, we were having breakfast one morning at a diner in an area that was a truck-friendly spot. Didn’t realize how truck-friendly it was until an announcement was made, “trucker 427 – your shower is now ready.” I thought that only happened in states like Iowa and Nebraska.
As had been eluded to earlier, in a note-worthy development, or as we say in network news, “breaking news”, we have just returned from a holiday weekend venture that included travel through Connecticut. On our way to a family gathering in Pennsylvania, we sailed through the Nutmeg State with ease. Based on that, I was fully preparing to issue a contrite apology to the state, saying that I was sadly mistaken and that I would be willing to publicly backtrack. On the return trip, however, we hit a slowdown just east of Waterbury at a section of road construction tentatively slated to be completed in 2064, and then the entire population of western New England converged on Hartford at the same time as we were coming through. So, as we clawed our way, inch by tortured inch, through this beautiful city, which I might add was the only bit of traffic snarl from DC to New Hampshire, I am, sadly, forced to stand by my previous observations and statements.
I have known many a fine person from Connecticut – in fact, my niece and family live there now. The state is quite lovely to view as one drives through at the speed of a melting glacier – gently rolling hills, the occasional Starbucks logo popping up among the natural greenery. There seems to be an abundance of cultural opportunity, sports, fine schools – Yale is pretty good, from what I hear, and several of our favorite breakfast diners are located right off the highway. So, all in all, Connecticut seems to have a high quality of life and is very desirable. I know that we in Northern New England have never felt the need to build a wall. It just seems that for a small state, it takes way, way longer than it should to get through. Perhaps if Amtrak could run a service where you load your car onto a train in, say Putnam, and lets you off in Stamford, it could be surprisingly profitable, not that Amtrak is ever looking to turn a profit. Or, maybe a huge overpass starting at about Sturbridge, Massachusetts and extending to the New York line would solve the problem? No, never mind – that’s just more construction and by then, we’ll be travelling in self-driving passenger drones.
I'm Thinking...No! 