Once again, the election process kicks in. This is not an endorsement for any candidate, as I feel that would seriously jeopardize my credentials as an impartial, independent blogger / influencer. For those of you that don’t understand the primary system, it’s a convoluted, messy, scrappy way that we pick delegates, and sometimes really good delegates – they’re called superdelegates, state-by-state that will eventually elect the party’s nominees. We have dozens of candidates blowing through gazillions of gallons of jet fuel crisscrossing the country in attractive geometric patterns, and its ultimate purpose is to take all of the mystery and surprise out of the conventions. That’s it in a nutshell. Right now, there’s a lot of fun going on here in New Hampshire surrounding our primary because it’s the first officially scheduled one, except for Iowa, which is a caucus and not really a primary. The difference is that, people go to polling stations and, well, I’m not really sure what, but somehow, they indicate their preferences. We use a paper ballot, which is much better. Then we have foreign nationals to count the ballots and tell us who won.
I’d like to give a tip of the hat to Iowa for throwing statistics and tracking into total confusion. We haven’t seen this much anxiety in an election, or as they call it there, “caucus”, since the glory days of hanging chads of Florida. Just when we think we’re so much better than those elections in third world countries where election results take weeks or months, where multiple candidates claim victory, where finally someone claims victory via a military coup, and voila, a new government is formed. Here, the military traditionally steps aside and lets the voters do their darnedest to make a mockery of democracy, followed by tech glitches that make us the laughing stock of the free world.
So here we are, sitting in New Hampshire waiting to see the momentum from Iowa, only there isn’t any. Just great. Now we’ll have to rely on our better judgements and instincts, and you know that can’t be good. The candidates are back and bouncing around the state like ping pong balls. Some of them will have to bounce as far as DC to vote, but they’ll be back. The newest thing is the “town hall”. For those unaware, and in my capacity as one who enlightens, town meeting was the original epicenter of local government in colonial days, where everyone that could take time off from milking the cows would pop in to the town hall to vote on the budget, elect town officials, called “selectmen”, now “selectpersons”, and other essential positions like the Fence Viewer, the Overseer of Cemeteries, the Road Agent, the Trustee of Trust Funds, and of course, the Town Clerk. The town meetings were typically hotbeds of discussion and debate. They ended life-long friendships, and pitted brother or sister against brother or sister. For example, should Parson’s Lane be paved? The dust that kicks up is killing Ella Parson. Does the Fire Department really need to buy new hoses to replace the ones that leak? The volunteers don’t usually get there until a half hour after the house is gone. What to do about the boiler in the Town Hall? The meeting is in March, so we’d better do something. – maybe move the meeting to June? Are we going to have Old Home Day this year? The parade is always nice, with kids on their bikes. Now, I’ve really got off topic, but as my intent here is to be deeply informative, so be it.
Political Town Meetings have popped up like dandelions in the lawn. These are opportunities for candidates to explain and expand on their plans, their vision, their hopes and dreams. It’s also a time for the voting populace to display their general ignorance of major issues. Truth be told, most couldn’t find Ukraine or Gaza on a map with flashing red lights. I should have mentioned to several of the candidates that, when they talk about “Medicare for All”, that’s a red flag here. A healthy percentage of New Hampshire residents are on Medicare, and the “for all” part might mean they’ll have to share. We here in the Granite State aren’t partial to sharing. It’s just not our thing. To many, “It takes a village” smacks of socialism, which we all know is bad. Our state motto is “Live Free Or Die.” Reading between the lines, we’d rather die than share our medical benefits.
So, here’s our field. The guy from four years ago, who still hasn’t accepted that he wasn’t reelected to the White House, is running once again. Running against him is the current occupant, who seems nice but is older than Methuselah, and whose popularity is on a par with Queen Camilla. So, it’s basically a showdown of the ancients. If the former president wins, there’s talk of moving the Oval Office to one of his resorts, and turning the White House into a B & B. Does anyone know if the Lincoln Bedroom has its own en suite bath?
Now we feature a variety, but not many stand out. For fresh faces, there is a present Governor of Florida and a former one from South Carolina who was also US Ambassador to the United Nations. Neither is setting the field aflame, though they’ve bought lots and lots of commercial air time. There is only the one female of the major candidates – the afore mentioned lady from South Carolina, who is polling well behind the former president, and who had just a little difficulty when asked about the causes of the Civil War. Perhaps she’s never been to Fort Sumter in her home state. We have had a couple of business people self-funding their campaigns, but they’ve long since thrown in the towel. Hope they can get their money back.
For those who aren’t particularly paying attention to the process, here are a couple of terms you might want to know. A campaign needs to gain “traction”. That means, it’s catching on like a wildfire in California. Name recognition is huge. That’s why they put out literally a zillion road signs all over. They set them up in rows for half a mile, because apparently one or two or six won’t quite do the trick. Quite a few of the candidates have had traction like a rear wheel on an ice patch. Nowadays, candidates don’t “drop out” when their campaigns falter, running out of money and momentum. They “suspend” their campaigns. I like that – it implies that they’re only in a holding pattern, and at some point, voters will come to their senses and climb on board. Some of us assumed that, after having our first African-American president, the pool of diversity candidates would be wide open and swelling up like a mushroom cloud. Not so much. We have a bunch of old white people, and some younger white people. Only one African American, who has long since dropped out as his campaign had the “traction” of a pig on stilts. Way to go diversity-wise, America. For those wondering, we have built the wall – around white presidential candidates.
We here in New Hampshire will miss the excitement of primary season. By that I mean the random knocking on the front door by folks “canvassing”, the phone calls from random people I don’t know or from a “cell phone” in Alabama. The endless polls. One Boston television station has been providing us with nightly poll numbers. Ah, just great. There is the boost to the state economy, except for the candidates that have run out of money and can’t pay their hotel and banquet hall bills. In another month or two, there will be a fleet of campaign buses at auction with large lettering crossed out. Campaign posters and flyers will be collectibles. And my phone calls will be back to those selling windows and siding, extended car warranties, or offering me additional Medicare coverage. Oh, my.
I'm Thinking...No! 