My lovely niece and her husband are expecting a baby in the fall, a happy event in the family and another heir to the “royal” line. To that end, I am lending my expertise to the naming process. My assistance really wasn’t asked for or embraced, but I offer it none-the-less. And further, this writing will serve as a general guide that expectant parents may use to wisely select a name. In this case, the baby is a boy, and although there are any number of perfectly acceptable gender-fluid names, I’ll limit my recommendations to those that tend to suggest a male.
I typically recommend Thomas, as a solid, structural choice that has so far eluded overuse. It commands a certain dignity and strength of character, and works nicely with the child’s grandfather. The obvious choices are Thomas Raymond or Raymond Thomas. Sadly, obvious choices aren’t often accepted.
Too often, parents elect a name that is popular and trendy, which sadly, as a former teacher can state, results in whole classes of Aiden and its offshoots, Caiden, Jaiden, Haiden, or Zaiden. Too much confusion. Other names are adorable for babies and small children but, to be quite honest, don’t age well. Corey is a name that, while I like it and have had many students over the years with that name, it may lack a commanding presence for a fifty-year-old bank president or an army general. As Social Security checks begin to roll in, he may begin to wonder if his parents might have made a better choice. Conversely, I know that some were disappointed when the Prince and Princess of Wales chose to name their firstborn George. However, some day at his coronation, he’ll be grateful that he’s not King Corey I.
Should the obvious not be well-received, I place here in nomination a host of other choices from which the young parents-to-be can make selections. These are in no particular order of preference. I also recommend that new parents say aloud, multiple times, the first and last names together to ensure that the combination pairs well and isn’t too alliterative, repetitive, or just sounds a bit strange. Further, I’d advise that parents not take a standardly used name and come up with a creative spelling, substituting alternate vowels, that will confuse the pronunciation and unfortunately lead to them being disliked by every teacher they have in school. One must remember that the child’s name will be stated allowed at high school graduation ceremonies, and we wish to avoid, at all cost, giggling and snickering from the audience.
We can turn first to Sacred Scripture for inspiration. I’ve come across several that truly stand out and will demand immediate recognition. Archippos, for example, meaning “Master of the Horse”. Should the new baby develop into an equestrian, this name is functional and distinctive. Another solid choice is Jedidia, which translates as “Friend of God”. That certainly can’t hurt as he moves through life. Ichabod, also noteworthy, means “Departed Glory”. OK. Perhaps a bit too fateful. Should the baby emerge with a full head of hair, Esau, meaning “Hairy”, is a name sure to stand out on the class roster.
Aligned with biblical names are papal names. They have stood the test of time and history, and are sure to bring a puzzled smile to friends and family. Sixtus, Pius, and Urban are my personal favorites, and thus should be considered top contenders, but there are others as well. Boniface, Sylverius, and Anastasius are all ripe to bounce back as truly popular and to stand out from the mundane. In doing the research, as I always do in situations of importance like this, there was a Pope Hilarius – a name that is terrific and surprisingly only used once. I suspect that he was a bit of a jokester. There have been a number of Popes Leo, but I’d avoid that in this case as it doesn’t pair well with the last name, which also starts with an “L”, and would definitely put a bull’s eye on the child’s back.
There are heroic names to be considered. Famous historical figures. Napoleon, for example. Mark Antony (technically Marcus Antonius, but that might be a bit too “Roman”), as long as one uses both names spell with a “k” so as not to be confused with the salsa musician. Or Ulysses is an interesting choice, combining the ancient world with General Grant, and even literature. And speaking of literature, here is an abundance of names. For full impact, though, parents should include middle names as well. Ralph Waldo, for example, or Samuel Langhorne are great choices, guaranteed to make people sit up and take notice. Perhaps Nathaniel or Tennessee would work better if a middle name has already been chosen. And going a step further into literature, I should mention that my niece and her husband are big Harry Potter fans, so here are some really wonderful and note-worthy suggestions for them to consider:
Aberforth, Albus Dumbledore’s younger brother is an outstanding name. I wouldn’t recommend the older brother – too many “s” sounds. For that reason, I also eliminated Severus from the potential list. While not a particularly admirable character, Gilderoy is a classic name and would work well in any situation. There are also a couple of less known but perfectly serviceable “r” names: Regulus and Rebeus. For pure strength of character, Godric is also great name with a nod to medieval knighthood.
I thought that I might be able to gather some suggestions from the world of sports, but sadly, many are either too complex, or simply, “what were the parents thinking?” Here are some of the more interesting: D’Brickashaw, Teoscar, Yelberton, and Earthwind. And during the present time, I’m guessing that VladimirGuerrero – both father and son, wish their parents had gone in a different direction, much as boys named Adolf did in the latter 20th century.
Finally, there are some names that have lain neglected for quite some time. Yes, they may be said to be a bit “quirky”, but given the right influence, could come back. Cuthbert would be a bold choice, along with its cousins, Herbert and Egbert. Percy and its relative, Darcy are both distinguished names, conjuring up images of velvet waistcoats and high tea. And finally, Horace and Phineas are names that would definitely require the baby to grow up strong and self-assured, because he’d need all the confidence he could get.
I hope in this brief yet compelling writing, to have made some significant contributions to the art of baby-naming. I hope that parents now have some reason to pause, reflect, and think outside the cradle. Many readers, in sharing this with their wider circle of family and friends, will reject some suggestions out of hand for one reason or another – they just don’t work with the last name, for example, and that’s fine. But, new parents, whatever you choose, remember that the child will carry their name for life, and you really don’t want them investing in legal procedures to change them, or worse, grow up resenting you.
I'm Thinking...No! 