In case you missed it last week, the Florida Legislature passed a bill to rename the Palm Beach International Airport after President Donald Trump, and Governor DeSantis has indicated that he’ll sign the bill. It totally makes sense, because the president uses it extensively as he jets back and forth between Washington and Mar-A-Lago on Air Force One.
There was a time when buildings, highways, and other public facilities were named for significant citizens. Here in New Hampshire, for example, we have the Everett Turnpike, a central artery running up through the state from the Massachusetts border northward. It’s named for Frederick E. Everett, New Hampshire’s first Commissioner of Transportation. (Yes, I had to look that one up.) That’s fitting. We also have a highway that is the Daniel Webster Highway. We all (I hope) know who Daniel Webster was. The old FBI building in DC is the J. Edgar Hoover Building, named for the long time FBI Director, secret file-keeper, and dress maker. That’s been the tradition for generations. Schools, even parts of schools like gymnasiums and auditoriums are named for those, like coaches, teachers, and other beloved figures whose community contributions were truly significant, above and beyond. National historical figures like the Founding Fathers. Many have monuments, totally in keeping with their monumental accomplishments have been recognized posthumously.
But that stops now! Why wait for death to capture our ability to name things after ourselves? Why quibble over details like worthiness, success, sacrifice, or public stature? It’s much more important for us to slap our names on buildings and create a legacy that way. Like the Trump Hotel in Washington. (Side note: if you want to make a reservation, it’s now the Waldorf Astoria Washington.) You can establish and endow a university. Harvard, Princeton, and Trump University. (oh, wait) An airline, like Delta or the Trump Shuttle. (oh, wait, again)
So, why is Donald Trump so obsessed with seeing his name everywhere? Why was Henry VIII so obsessed with wives? Actually, we know that one, and only one wife managed to succeed. If you’ve been following the news, Mr. Trump has added his name to the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, a bold move voted on by the Center’s board of trustees, friends that he appointed and a board that he chairs. Fitting and well-deserved for his deep dedication to the Performing Arts. The Arts community has responded, with major artists cancelling performances, the Washington National Opera moved out and the National Symphony is not far behind, nobody watching this year’s Honoree’s broadcast, and donors and event-goers cancelling their subscriptions in droves. But the President has an answer. He is closing the Center for two years for renovations, which will be spectacular when finished. I’m assuming that you’re on the edges of your seats waiting in eager anticipation for the new White House ballroom. It’s going to be like Versailles, only with a bit more glitz and gold leaf. And best of all, he announced at the tearing-down ceremony, that he’s chosen a name. The Donald J. Trump Ballroom. A must-see on the White House tour.
While we’re on the subject of “renaming”, we shouldn’t forget bringing back Braxton Bragg’s name (by President Trump) for Fort Bragg. Gen. Bragg, as you may or may not know, was a briefly successful, then largely unsuccessful commander of the Confederate armies. Finally relieved of command, he became a military advisor to President Jefferson Davis. We know how that ended. It is indeed fitting that one of the world’s largest US military facilities should be named, unnamed, then renamed in his honor. Work should be under way for the renaming of West Point – Hegseth Academy might work, with a military coding and secrets bunker installed located on campus.
So, while we’re on the subject of bestowing names for significant service and/or recognition, I’d like to suggest, if I may, some folks within the administration that are fully worthy of such honors. Here are a couple that, based on one year of significant accomplishment and commitment.
The Center for Disease Control in Atlanta should be headquartered in the Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. Center for Anti-vaccine Research building. Mr. Kennedy has spent his first year in office selecting people of dubious medical background and outspoken opposition to vaccines in general. In the lobby would be a large portrait of Mr. Kennedy, along with the legend, “I know what I’m doing”, and possibly a jar of leeches as a visual compliment. There should be a display room for his accomplishments – putting up plywood over the windows of research labs and NIA facilities, for example. I’m sure that major pharmaceutical companies who have spent years in research would also want to honor this pioneering supporter of medical advancement. Might I be so bold as to suggest that the next major outbreak of infectious disease might be the KENNEDY?
The Department of Homeland Security has been wildly successful in rounding up undocumented folks. In fact, they’ve even managed to snatch a mumber with legal status, but that’s the price we pay to rest easily at night. So, a few protestors are shot along the way. Again, if it worked for the Brown Shirts, it will work here. But I digress. The federal government is scouting out possible warehouse facilities for detaining all those they’re scooping up. Some resistance from local communities, but that’s to be expected if the job is done thoroughly. I’d like to suggest that these facilities should be named in honor of DHS Secretary Kristi Noem,whose tireless efforts and very popular television ads have really boosted her name recognition. Someday, “Noem” will be synonymous with “protecting the white population”, and her Noem Centers could become, dare I dream, a model for other nations wishing to prevent the overrun of random foreigners, like those pet-eating Haitians.
We’ve seen action recently being taken against museum displays that are making white folks feel really, really badly about slavery. Or, as Jefferson Davis called it in his memoirs, “African servitude”, which I think is a much nicer way of saying it. I know I feel better. You may have read too that the Trump Administration ordered the removal of a display about slaves working at George Washington’s home in Philadelphia during his presidency. Possibly some white supremacists found it uncomfortable. And then a judge ordered that it all be put back. Most likely some “radical liberal” judge that somehow slipped through the cracks of the judicial system. And I’m sure you’ve been reading about the Florida Department of Education’s, and more importantly Governor Rick DeSantis’, explanation that slavery gave the African population job training and marketable skills. So, if you think about it, that servitude was really all about African education. Now, don’t we all feel better about that?
While we’re at it, here are some “institutions” that I like to see in and around our nation’s capital:
The Pamela J. Bondi Law School. Yes, this is a possibly ground-breaking graduate program – either as an extension of, or in place of one of the prominent DC law schools. Let’s give Pam some credit – she’s restored political payback to the legal system, the like of which we really haven’t seen since the Nixon Administration. She attacks Congressional committee members with grit, arrogance, and condescension. She fearlessly prosecutes those that are true “enemies of the state”. The state, of course, being the White House’s current occupant. On campus, if room allows, could be the Caroline Leavitt School of Communication and Journalism.
The Smoot-Hawley-Trump School of Economics. Promoting applied tariffs either to protect local production of consumer goods, or to randomly throw global economics into chaos, this school will offer fresh insights and take a fresh perspective on economic principles from the standpoint of protectionist zeal and defiance of historic precedent. Coursework could feature such things as “Fossil Fuels – Back to the Future”, even with discussions of the economics of deposing heads of state in oil-rich countries, or a fond look back at coal mines. It’s high time Americans in general, and economic experts in particular, shifted their perspectives to what’s really important – the president’s own personal benefit. As we all know, when he and his inner circle of billionaires increase their share of the pie, everyone does. Or, as Marie Antoinette famously, said, “Let them eat cake!”
The Charles Kirk Institute for Social Values. Again, it’s time for social conservatives to rise up and help to rebuild the traditional fabric of the past. Gender roles, family values. Let’s bring back bigotry and persecution. “Woke” is inherently evil, as are diversity and equity. They have no place in the hierarchy of our society and social values. People coming to this country, and some we brought under duress, are rising up to suppress our inherent superiority as white people. Understanding and acceptance are eroding fear and anger. Who could possibly benefit from that?
Finally, I’d like to see a Donald J. Trump Peace Prize, similar to the Nobel Peace Prize only much better. This award would be determined by Trump’s newly created “Board of Peace”, which as we know has been met with a rather scant round of applause from world leaders, but the board includes Mr. Trump’s son-in-law, so it does mean serious business. The award would be given to anyone who speaks kindly of the President, or even nods in agreement with him. Anyone who willingly visits him at Mar-A-Lago, any Saudi Prince that buys his cryptocurrency, or supports his acquisition of Greenland. Which, by the way, will become Melania’s Vineyard once the takeover is complete. The world will literally jump on the new name, just as they have the Gulf of America. Yes, my friends, we’ve entered into a new era, and a new standard for naming rights.
I'm Thinking...No! 