My apologies for the production delays you’ve experienced. I’ve been promoted from Head Writer of “I’m thinking . . . .No” to Executive Producer, and moving into the corner office. When these blogs had just a handful of readers, I could maintain a more modest title, but now that I’m pulling in, well, tens of tens of readers, and presumably the influence that I can inflict generate has been expanding rapidly, so it’s time to move up on the title hierarchy.
Every organizational structure needs a chain-of-command. Her Ladyship fulfills that role in our household. Oh, it’s true that I make some lesser decisions of lesser consequence – meal suggestions, gardening decisions, that type of thing. And yes, she proofreads “I’m Thinking . . . . no” for both accuracy and, to some degree, discretion. Is it going to be wildly offensive? Does it open us up to possible legal action? Has a stray comment likely to incur, Jimmy Kimmel-like, the wrath of the White House, in which case I might be included unflatteringly in a Caroline Leavitt press conference?
It’s quite likely that, as our readership grows, there will be a need for additional executive producers. You’ll notice that on any successful television show or movie, the stars are always listed as executive producers. There are also producers and co-producers. It’s never been fully explained what they all do. Do the actors actually “produce” anything beyond learning their lines and showing up on the screen? Do they, for example, have responsibility for arranging transportation to and from the film sites? Do they arrange meals for the cast and crew? Is Meryl Streep likely to tell the director that she can’t film a scene because she’s selecting a lunch menu? Does Martin Short pay for the sets on “Only Murders in the Building” using his credit card? (He does get 2% cash back, so it could be a money-maker.)
According to the extensive research that I’ve done on the roles of the executive producer, it seems that the primary one is “oversight of the producers”. That, of course, includes creative “content”, as we now call it, along with financial responsibilities. For this particular blog, I do that. My creative process in selecting material, or “content”, as it’s known on a variety of social media. An idea will spring forth, from something in real life that has given me pleasure or set me into a tailspin. Or, it jumps out at me from the newspaper or television. Like the quality of pet food lately. Have you noticed that the days of a bowl of dried pellets is now totally unacceptable? Pets need a healthy variety of gourmet-prepared meals. You can bet your bottom dollar that there’s kale in there somewhere. Have you ever heard of wolves and coyotes in the wild coming across a veggie patch of kale, and howling, “this is delicious”? No, but I digress.
Something else that always catches my attention, because it shows up so regularly in the television we watch, are medicine advertising. In particular, the line “Tell your physician about all of the medications you’re taking.” As Head Writer, I’d just speculate on people taking prescription medications that their doctors didn’t actually prescribe. Is that even possible? But as Executive Producer, I can send out a production assistant to observe pharmacies to see if people are randomly slipping behind the counter and grabbing medications off the shelf. Are they mixing and matching, and printing up their own labels? In full disclosure, I don’t have any production assistants yet, but it’s just a matter of time. Our nephew’s son is graduating from high school and looking for a summer job. That’s one possibility.
As I said, I do primarily my own research for the informative content of this blog. Much of it is, shall we say, “observational”. I see something and write about it, with or without benefit of verification. You may have noticed that there is a certain “I wonder if . . . .” character to my much of my writing. If it is wrong, then I can claim it as a work of fiction, although I haven’t run it by the legal department because I don’t have one. Sometimes, particularly if the topic is somewhat serious, I’ll actually go on line and find out if what I’ve boldly stated is true. If it isn’t, then rather than correcting it, I can put a disclaimer at the end. “Don’t take our word for it.” Similar to, “Don’t take this if you’re allergic to it or its ingredients” or some television shows that have to point out, “Don’t try this at home” as someone films someone else looking intently at their phone and falling into a fountain.
A large portion of an executive producer’s job, I’ll assume, is marketing and publicity. From time to time, I’ll get a message from someone telling me they can improve the format of my blog, and thus increase my readership. I’m sure they can, and I’ll also assume that it’s not a free service. That money will need to change hands, and in my fiduciary capacity, that’s probably not going to happen. We keep our expenses, and probably our visibility low. The fine folks that host my site offer regularly to increase our base, possibly to explore the possibilities to monetize. I’ll assume that the old adage, “You have to spend money to make money” kicks in here. The way things are going, I could become the Spirit Airlines of bloggers.
You may have noticed, as have I, that of late, many platforms are adding “plus”, and thus allowing themselves to charge extra. I wrote about it a while ago, but it’s still on the drawing board. It started at the gas station. You could buy the basic octane, whatever that is, then step up to the “Plus”, and finally, the “Premium”. Did this upgrade improve your car’s performance? I have no idea. I don’t even really know what “octane” even is, but it must be good. The folks in marketing couldn’t possibly be deceiving us.
And, as I have previously suggested, any expansion would need to have added features. Readers will still, with the basic package, have access to our archives. And our dear friend Lady Peacock is planning another trip to England in September, so you’ll be able to read about her latest exciting international interactions. For the future, perhaps for those that don’t like to actually read, as executive producer, I’ll look into the possibility of producing a version read by some impressive celebrity, perhaps Jeremy Irons is available as his character in “Count of Monte Cristo” died a while back. Some distinguished voice with an accent would lend itself well to these writings. Some visual bits would attract attention too. Scenes from everyday life – someone meandering through a grocery store and getting in my way, or someone badly parked out in the parking lot, maybe even a soundtrack with original music by John Williams, would add an air of sophistication and dignity to my profound insights. Of course, I’d need to add a tech team and a marketing department. Right now, it’s just me at my computer, and despite my vaunted tech skills, they wouldn’t and definitely couldn’t get the job done.
In my new capacity as executive director, you may all rest assured that quality of our postings will remain at the highest levels of information, entertainment value, and idle speculation. There will be a seamless transition, so my faithful readers will probably not even notice any alarming differences. Now, it’s time to “roll the credits”.
Thomas Walters, Executive Producer, Head Writer, Budget, and Marketing
Her Ladyship, Content Oversight and Legal Counsel
I'm Thinking...No! 