Normally I don’t post blogs this close together, so my faithful readers should get used to it, but this one is time-sensitive. By now, you’ve all seen the infamous Chris Rock / Will Smith “exchange of ideas” on the Academy Awards Presentation last week over and over again until you yell, “STOP” at the television. What a memorable event. There is even talk of sanctions and heightened border security around Los Angeles. The whole nasty business seemed to spiral out of control faster than a post-election Trump rally. No, I should not make light of a difficult, highly public, and most unfortunate situation. This is serious.
To be sure, Chris Rock’s comment was insensitive crossing the line into cruel. I’m not sure if his routines are that way – to get a laugh, saying anything no matter the pain they cause others. The least laugh-worthy jokes are those at the expense of others’ personal appearance. We may often see someone who’s fashion sense doesn’t agree with ours. Physical appearance, which for most of us is well beyond our control, is something about which the old adage, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything else at all” truly applies. Even the best looking, most handsome and attractive among us often reveal in interviews that “I’ve always been insecure about the way I look.” That should tell us that we all have physical attributes that we’d like to change if we could. To have someone publicly express it is, for most of us, is our worst nightmare. Young people, particularly pre and adolescent, bless them, being the least sensitive, empathetic among us, are typically the worst offenders. They’re also the most likely to completely overreact and do something harmful – to themselves or others. I learned a technique years ago that works pretty effectively with them, and I used it in my classes, bands and choirs, and particularly in my advisory groups. Taking a sheet of paper, I’d have a student fold it in half, then in half again so the creases are clearly visible. Then, I’d ask them to unfold the paper, and thereby drawing the parallel to unkind comments, I’d ask the students to smooth out the paper and make the creases disappear. Obviously, they couldn’t – they’d always be there, just like their insulting or demeaning remarks. In whatever context those remarks are intended, “I was only joking” seldom works effectively to erase or negate the sting.
Let’s talk about what went wrong at the Oscars. Regardless of what was said from the podium, a physical response is almost never called for. I wonder what Jada Smith was thinking as her husband strode up onto the stage. Did she see him as an “avenging angel”, or more rightly was she appalled and thoroughly embarrassed? What did she say to him as he returned to his seat? Did she thank him for “restoring her honor”, or rebuke him for his boorish actions? You see, that’s part of the problem. Society years ago, centuries ago, learned (and very slowly) that a physical response almost never settles a conflict. It tends to escalate the problem. Alexander Hamilton learned that the hard way. And to this day, Aaron Burr will be remembered primarily as the man that shot him to death in a duel. To further complicate the situation, Will Smith didn’t effectively apologize for his transgression. He tried to explain it, in a rambling and somewhat incoherent way. There is no explanation, Mr. Smith. Your acceptance speech was as full of regret as Vladimir Putin telling the world that he didn’t anticipate the killing and destruction in Ukraine because he thought the invasion would go better.
What should the academy have said or done in response? In subsequent days, of course, Will Smith has relinquished his academy membership. This precludes him from the voting that selects winners from the nominees. He is, however, still eligible to win for his work. That seems fair. It has been noted that, after the incident on stage, he was asked to leave the ceremonies, and he declined. Physically removing him would certainly have been ugly – there was no way to do that in a dignified and discreet manner unless he left volunatrily. Should he have been allowed to give an acceptance speech? That will be subject to debate for years. Again, had the academy, or the show’s producers on their behalf silenced the mics, that too could have gone badly. So, the decision was made to let things play out, and then decide what to do afterward. That seems to be an acceptable course of action. It saved face for the academy and for those watching at home. The participants are the only ones that came off poorly.
Do we need some form of national anger management? A few years back, I wrote a blog on “civility”, and its decline in everyday life. As far as I can tell, things have only gotten worse. People are attacking flight attendants when asked to wear a mask on boarding a plane, or others going into businesses that require mask-wearing. The employees are only following directions, and trying to preserve a level of safety against a sea of belligerent ignorance. In one state, there was even a plot to kidnap the Governor at her summer retreat to protest mandates. How many times have we seen professional athletes turn violent when calls are made against them or games don’t go their way? My grandfather had an expression, “let’s compromise and do it my way.” That seems to be a national sentiment, and if folks don’t get their way, there are angry, physical responses. Road rage turning into injury and arrest. Violence against Asian Americans in a, well, I’ll say it bluntly, stupidly perceived blame for COVID. Some didn’t like the election results, so storming the Capitol seemed an appropriate response. What does it say about us that we need to erect large concrete and metal barriers around our government buildings to protect our elected officials? And some don’t like “government” at all, so they stockpile weapons and meet clandestinely to plan random assaults with similar-minded crazies.
Students are seeing these types of retaliatory actions and are imitating them. High school and middle school students bringing firearms to school. School shootings are up at an alarming rate, at the same time our legislatures are passing laws protecting gun rights. Sensible, precautionary measures are falling by the wayside. Is there a failure to connect dots? How many accusatory slaps will result in guns gunfire in schools and shopping malls?
The common theme here is that we need to instruct, through discussion and if necessary, developing sanctions and cautionary measures that strongly and firmly remind people that angry, physical responses do not have a place in our society. Ironically, I was reading an article in the newspaper yesterday describing the number of times the police in a neighboring community have been called to a place called “Fun Spot”, which has game activities catering to teens. It seems their young clientele is getting into fights both in the facility and outside in the parking lot. Another community had an angry confrontation in the high school cafeteria, resulting in several students being removed in handcuffs, while in yet another high school, bullying occurred in a boys’ bathroom. Of course, such events are not new – they just seem to be happening more frequently and receiving notoriety. And a social media platform has been encouraging bad behavior among teens – ripping sinks and urinals off the wall, attacking teachers.
Acts of incivility, anger, and gross stupidity are only encouraged when people, particularly young people, see movie stars and other celebrities doing things that don’t reflect maturity and judgement. Like a slap on a star-studded television show. Separating reality and real, acceptable behavior from the world of fantasy is something we all, young and old, need reinforce. Until that begins to happen, for public displays of anger and an apparent lack of management tools to deal with them, I’m just thinking . . . . . . . NO.
I'm Thinking...No! 