Once again, Americans are divided. Other than politics, looming on the immediate horizon is a truly divisive issue – live versus artificial Christmas trees. What’s best? What makes the most economic sense? What’s best for the environment? We’ve all seen the truck loads of trees cut some time ago rolling into parking lots everywhere for sale. Hardware and department stores have had displays of artificial ones since just after Indigenous People’s (Columbus) Day. So, how to decide. . . .
There was an economist on the news the other night, breaking down the pros and cons of each type. I remember thinking that perhaps he should be spending more of his time on inflation and less on trees, but no matter. His conclusions were, well, inconclusive. Artificial trees win by a nose for ease and convenience, and if you keep them for more than five or six years, they’re a cost saving. Live trees have the edge for scent and aesthetics, and they can be recycled after the holidays, so they’re more sustainable. To anyone reading this, I can’t make a definitive recommendation. There are Republicans and Democrats on both side of the issue, so it’s pretty much a toss of the coin.
We had a tradition in my family when I was growing up. There was a lot of acreage that my parents owned, so we’d cut our own tree. Over the years, however, as the best trees were cut, we had to go farther and farther afield. My father led the expedition, with my brother and me trailing behind, carrying the saws. My father was considerably less selective than my mother, who was a stickler for shape, balance, shades of green. If it was green and had branches, that was good enough for my father, so we’d cut the first one that caught his eye. We’d drag it home and stand it up out front for inspection. My mother would come to the front door and the response was almost automatic. “Oh, Stan. I’m not putting that thing in my house. What were you thinking? Go back and get a proper tree. You boys help him get something that looks decent.” So back we go for Christmas tree, Take Two. One year, my father was on his own as my brother and I were in college. I’d just arrived home, and my mother woke me very early on Christmas eve morning. “Please go out and find another tree,” she informed me. “I had nightmares about that one, so I’ve been downstairs taking all the ornaments and lights off.” Off I went to find something suitable.
Our first Christmas together, Susan and I, we did procure a tree from my parents’ land for our small apartment. It was beautiful for about a day and half. Then, it started dropping needles at an alarming rate to the point where we’d only turn on the lights for an hour or two. By Boxing Day, it was a shadow of itself, a mere stick figure, so down it came. After that, when we’d moved out of the area for jobs, we had a fun ritual – we’d go to a tree farm and select a tree. That was usually in early November. About mid-December, we’d go back and cut it, bringing it home. You can’t just bring in a freshly cut tree, it has to “cure”, like pressure-treated lumber, so it would sit on the back porch in a pail of water for a few days, getting acclimated to its new rootless state. When the moment was right, in it would come and we’d set it up. Getting the lights on was always a chore – just the right number, distributed evenly. A bulb or two always blew out, thus extinguishing the whole string. If you’ve seen the movie, “Christmas Story”, the line, “My father worked in profanity like an artist in oils . . . .” comes mind describing my work with tree lights.
In recent years, we’ve had a collection of artificial trees. It was easier, particularly with lights already on it. I like that part. The only real place we can put it in the living room is not far from the fireplace, so a fire-proof tree is definitely preferable. I don’t want to recreate that “smoking tree” scene from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, where the crazy uncle sets fire to the tree while lighting his cigar. This current tree, which we’ve had for about five or more years, is great. It comes in three sections, and when the sections are put together, the lights are ready to go – no plugging the strings into each other. It also can switch from white lights to ones of colors, and even has a “blinking/alternating” cycle, which we don’t use because I tend to develop twitches after a couple of days of that. This tree replaces one that we’d had for a number of years before. The last year of that tree, one of the legs fell off the base, went through the cellar stairs, and into an abyss somewhere, along with single socks and other items that simply disappear into another dimension. So that year, I had it tied to a hook installed on the nearest window sill to stabilize it, and after the holidays, we took it to the great Christmas Tree Dumpster. The next year, we’d totally forgotten the whole nasty business, so I was searching the cellar wondering where I’d put it. It was our daughter that remembered we’d tossed it out. “Was that the one you had tied to the window last year?” she asked. Oh, yes.
Everyone will have to take a stand and live with their choices. Our artificial one is up and decorated it. Yes, we did it just a tad early, but the Princess helped me bring it up from the basement when she was home for Thanksgiving. That was just a bit too early for a launch, so it sat on the back porch until I was fully ready to take the plunge and set it up. Then, of course, I had to decorate it, because one can’t have a naked tree in the living room. In fact, my stages of decoration were reversed this year. The tree was first, and then I finished the house decorations afterward. Typically, the tree is last, in the sacred tradition of many European cultures that wait until Christmas Eve to decorate their trees. Another funny story, if you don’t mind indulging me. My grandparents had a young maid when my mother and her siblings were young. Anna was from Poland, probably relocating after World War I. Anna asked if she could have her own tree in her room, to which my grandfather agreed. This was, of course, long before artificial trees were a thing, so Anna had a small live tree in her sitting room. On Christmas morning, she asked if the children could come up and see her tree, which apparently had been a guarded secret until that moment. So, up they went to see her tree. Back down them came, eyes wide with excitement: “Anna has real candles on her tree!” My mother, in relating the story, said she’d never seen my grandfather, who was a large man, move so fast. He took the stairs two and a time, and they heard him explaining to Anna in a loud voice at the door to her room, why lit candles on a fir tree weren’t a particularly good idea. I was watching a television special segment recently, with host and travel expert Rick Steves. He was pointing out local Christmas traditions as he toured. During his visit to Norway, or Switzerland, I forget where exactly, and they were lighting candles attached to tree branches. My mother’s story of Anna and her tree came flooding back.
Some people that have a preference for artificial trees like to use a spray scent, so they still get some of the effect of a live tree. It’s a compromise at best, but I suppose that if one is a purist, it’s better than nothing. We personally don’t bother. We rely more heavily on the visual effects of the decorations to carry us through the holidays. No matter what your political views on Christmas trees, whether liberal or conservative, green or libertarian, or just a moderate that could go either way, it’s important to reach a compromise. It’s important to hear all sides of the question, to reach across the aisle, and to carefully weigh each consideration. This is the season to extend from your comfort zone and keep a friendly outlook. Although, if you happen to be one of those that have a silver or blue tinsel tree, well, I just can’t talk to you.
I'm Thinking...No! 