You may have seen this in the news, but the latest White House debacle is recent “renovation”, shall we say “clean up” of the Reflecting Pool on the Mall. If you’re not unfamiliar with this particular national treasure, the Reflecting pool, created over a hundred years ago, is long, shallow pool of water that runs from just beneath the Lincoln Memorial up to the World War II Memorial. The intent of this particular monument is to provide a calm, reflective water feature that provides a peaceful moment in a city not particularly known for that. Depending on the time of viewing, it can be bluish to greenish, “reflecting” primarily the rapidly growing clumps of algae, along with heavy doses of duck and goose poo that render it a masterpiece of foul smells and pollution.
I will admit that my background in biology is somewhat sketchy. I know what survives in my gardening attempts, but beyond that, a depth of knowledge is questionable. However, in the interest of providing my usual insights to this column, I’d like to explain that bodies of water, particularly shallow bodies water, when exposed to sunlight, tend to engender prolific growth of algae “blooms”. Koi ponds and garden water features typically have that greenish tint, even if the water is treated and served by a filtration system. In the wild, you may see accumulations of algae and other water plants in swamps, where there isn’t much movement of the water, as well as around the edges of lakes and ponds, and along slow-moving rivers and streams. Or, if there is a large rectangle of pool of water open to sunlight and without benefit of concerted filtration and circulation, the green will take over there too. In fact, Washington, before it became the proud, majestic city it is today, was a large, mosquito-infested, humid swamp, which is why Maryland, in its extreme generosity, gave it away to be used as the nation’s capital. If you’ve ever visited the city in July or August, those early, swampy origins are very much in evidence.
President Trump, following his often alarming and unswerving efforts to beauty the District of Columbia, decided to clean up the swampy mess that is currently the Reflecting Pool, with an aim to honoring America’s two-and-a-half century birthday by draining the water and repainting the lining, thereby creating a sparkling clean, refreshing body of water worthy of a lap pool at Mar-A-Lago. I do hate to poke fun at the president, because, we all know that he has a vision that, well, defies description, and a list of priorities that defy reason. Sadly, his efforts haven’t entirely worked out as planned. Mr. Trump’s original estimate for the clean-up work was $1.8 million, but unfortunately, went just a tiny bit overbudget, coming in at a jaw-dropping $14.2 million. The pool was drained of water and a blue liner was installed. What could possibly go wrong? After all, the president assured us on his social media platform that “I have a guy who’s unbelievable at doing swimming pools. He called me up. He said: ‘Sir, we can do something on it.’” Ah, Donald “has a guy”. Enough said. Since the pool was refilled, a spokesperson for the National Park Service explained that the algae popping up everywhere was “residual”, from the recirculation pipes that were shut down during the months of renovation. That same person was quick to point out that the problem, like the algae, was “residual” from the Biden and Obama administrations. That makes sense. We all know that Presidents Obama and Biden were both pro-algae, because algae in its natural state, leans far left of center in nature. One might even call it “radical nature,” and its supporters often are seen carrying banners inscribed, “Green Algae Matters.”
Ever on the alert for identifying and pinpointing root causes without any evidence, the president has pointed his accusatory finger at vandals destroying the valuable make-over work he’s trying so hard to accomplish. According to his minions at the National Park Service, several individuals has been arrested, charged with putting great slashes in the pool’s lining. With a view toward protecting the newly renovated pool, guards have been stationed at the site, and several culprits have been caught and charged. Sadly, desecrating national monuments does not carry the death penalty that we’d all like to see applied in this case. I don’t know about you, my faithful readers, but that sounds to me, as it does to President Trump, to be the obvious answer. Vandals slashing the lining and pulling up bits of peeling paint. Oh, yes, that must be it. In fact, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if black-clad, subversive “radical left” vandals are sneaking in at night, pouring jug after jug of algae into the Reflecting Pool. The work of vandals makes far more sense to any righteous American than shoddy workmanship, particularly as the contractor overseeing the work is Trump’s “guy”. Although it’s possible that the paint, which has been used so effectively and looked so good as accent walls in a number of presidential bedrooms at Trump resorts, just isn’t standing up under water. So many key questions to be asked. Did they use latex, or an oil-base? How many coats, and was a primer used? No doubt that these questions will be asked and answered at the Congressional Reflecting Pool Investigative Committee, when it convenes right after the midterm elections.
We have all seen the fruits of President Trump’s important work putting his “stamp”, as we say on “House Hunters”, on the District of Columbia. His impeccable taste and refinement is everywhere, applied with his trademark understatement. First, he gave new sparkle and distinction to the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts by adding his own name to the marble façade. By his own admission, he didn’t go there often, preferring wrestling and boxing to the performing arts. But there was universal agreement that it looked great, until some ambitious federal judge ordered it to be removed. Then, of course, he turned the East Wing of the White House into a gigantic hole with a nice pile of rubble next to it. The intent, of course, is to build a massive ballroom, something that almost nobody wants, nor even knew about until suddenly one day, the East Wing was gone. Once again, in fairness, the East Wing housed offices for the First Lady, which made it entirely wasted space for Melania Trump. He also, and we should not forget this, turned the White House Rose Garden into a poolside patio, similar to one at his Florida resort. Of course, there isn’t an outdoor pool, but no matter. Presumably, White House staffers can enjoy leisurely lunches at brightly umbrellaed tables on the stone patio as they take a break from their important work on the latest executive orders, the newest lawsuits, or trying to find the Strait of Hormuz and Ukraine on a map.
It is difficult to project one’s sense of style and refinement on a city that insists on following procedures, gaining the permission of others, and following the rules. It was easier for Josef Stalin to simply remake the old Soviet Union into a land of ugly concrete buildings because he could pretty much do what he wanted. Nobody told King Louis XIV, who was after all the “Sun King”, to remove his decorative touches, extravagant embellishments and tchotchkes from Versailles. When King Henry VIII saw Hampton Court, the elaborate palace that Cardinal Wolsey was building for himself, Henry just took it. And because those stucco and exposed beam buildings were springing up all over England during his reign, “Tudor” style became all the rage, and in some places, it’s still around. William the Conqueror, Duke of Normandy, was not content merely to conquer Britain, he imposed Norman architecture on all manner of buildings, particularly castles and churches. That’s the way to do it if you want to really leave your mark. Renovate first and ask questions later. Add your name to it for emphasis. Apologize after the fact, but don’t ask permission first – it’s unseemly and implies that you lack the authority. Bury your dead ex-wife in an obelisk at your golf course and call it a cemetery. Then take a tax break. Rename large bodies of water if it suits your mood.
I’m reasonably sure that all of the kerfuffle over the Reflecting Pool will subside once the algae is chlorinated into oblivion, the lining is replaced with a nice blue-checked print, and the water fowl are deported to detention centers in Central America or Africa. Problems solved. Adventurous projects have a way of working out in the end. As the great goddess Nike remarked to her friends one day, “Just do it.” The phrase stuck, of course, and “branding” was well under way. But before you go ahead, though, make sure you “have a guy”.
I'm Thinking...No! 